There are a lot of things that separate your 30s from your 20s. There’s the increased self-confidence that aging brings; the improved career prospects; and the ability to form more serious romantic attachments. Your 30s also tend to usher in a significant drop in incidences of vodka-Red-Bull-induced barfing, the first gentle stirrings of the gradual (yet inevitable) total decay of your body, and the suspicion that all bars might actually be "too loud."
But the biggest change might occur within your Facebook feed — or rather, your Facebook feed just offers a crystal-clear distillation of these changes, all in one convenient place so that you can come face to face with the inevitable march of time when you check it 10 times a day. The switch over from your freewheeling 20s into your mature, back pain-filled 30s feels like a gradual process in real life, but on social media, it’s sudden and shocking. It's as if one night, you go to bed with a Facebook feed full of party photos, totally emo rants about dating, and posts rehashing in-jokes from college; you then wake up the next morning with a feed that has been transformed into a gentle stream of posts about marathon times, photos of elaborate home-cooked meals, and shots of vacations that seem to involve few (if any) yard-long margaritas. People use their PTO on yoga retreats now, apparently.
What happened? When did all of your friends learn to flambé? And do you have to send a birthday present to a baby whose existence you only know of via social media? Let us contemplate these mysteries and more, as we sort through the 14 biggest changes that aging brings to your social media feeds.
Twentysomething Wild Party Pictures
Who are these other people in this picture? Where was this taken? Why am I wearing a birthday hat and a feather boa, and hugging some guy in a bear costume?
Become: Thirtysomething Wedding Shower Pictures
Or baby shower pictures. Or housewarming pictures. Do you get to go to any parties that aren’t tied to someone else’s life milestones now? Ever? No? OK, cool, just checking.
Twentysomething Pictures of You and Your Friends Dressed Up to Go Out
Become: Thirtysomething Pictures of Your Infant or Dog Wearing a Funny Sweater
Twentysomething Posts About How Much You Love Your Friends
How could I have gotten through this "rough patch" without you guys? Because of your support, I now know the true meaning of love.
Become: Thirtysomething Posts About How Much You Love Your Child/ Dog/ Husband
And to think, I once thought that I learned the true meaning of love from decades of mutually supportive and caring friendships! HahahahahahahaHAHAHA! You barren harpies are living in a deluded, loveless void!
Twentysomething Endless Selfies
How are you wearing a completely different outfit than the one you had on in the selfie you posted 10 minutes ago?
Become: Thirtysomething Endless Wedding Photos
You got married, like, two years ago, right? How are you still digging up new ones? You love each other and you spent $20,000! I get it!
Twentysomething Pictures of Sunday Morning Drunk Brunch
Become: Thirtysomething Pictures of Sunday Morning Marathons
Our 30s are when our bodies start their inevitable decay, and honestly I wish we could all just agree to embrace that.
Twentysomething Photos of Debauched Behavior at Music Festivals
Probably while wearing a kimono as a dress and some twigs as a headband.
Become: Thirtysomething Photos of a Picnic
Probably while watching the local philharmonic and talking about which kind of brie is the best brie (triple creme, duh).
Twentysomething Status Updates About How the World Can't Crush You
Become: Thirtysomething Updates About Beef with Your Super / PTA/ Intern
Twentysomething Pictures of a Tattoo That You Suddenly Seem to Have
Are you sure that you've thought this through?
Become: Thirtysomething Pictures of a Baby You Suddenly Seem to Have
Are you sure that you've thought this through?
Twentysomething Pictures of Your 30-Person Summer Share House
No, it's fun! It's just like summer camp! A summer camp where drunk people are constantly having sex right next to you!
Become: Thirtysomething Pictures of Your Exotic and Expensive-Looking Vacation
You're eating, sure, but are you also remembering to pray and love?
Twentysomething TMI Dating Updates
"Can't believe that I'm spending this much time hooking up with randos I met on Tinder! LOL!"
Become: Thirtysomething TMI Pregnancy Updates
We get it, your baby is now the size of an avocado.
Twentysomething Posts Seeking a Roommate
For the fifth "bedroom" in a four-bedroom apartment, where the heat works "most of the time."
Become: Thirtysomething Posts About Home Improvement
How did you choose between all the different caulking options at Home Depot, guys? I just can't decide!
Twentysomething Ironic Posts About Middle School Jams
"Ha ha, remember this song?"
Become: Thirtysomething Nostalgic Posts About Middle School Jams
"Awww man, remember this song?"
Twentysomething Announcements About Your Kickstarter Project
The world needs to experience my unique vision of an all-didgeridoo orchestra performing the score to Rent! But I need your help/$50!
Become: Thirtysomething Pictures of a Tart That You Cooked
The world needs to experience the fact that apparently I cook tarts now! But I need your likes/envy!