If weight loss isn't already enough of a masochistic endeavor, the Pavlok wristband will electrocute you into working out, as Bustle recently reported. And now, Pavlok has raised nearly $65,000 in funding in three days via Indiegogo, because apparently people like the idea of exercising to avoid electrocution. Pavlok claims that it “adds accountability and electric shock to change your habits and train your behavior,” according to its IndieGoGo page. “Now I know that electric shock sounds crazy,” said Padlock founder and probable sadist Maneesh Sethi, “but sometimes crazy works.” Indeed, sometimes crazy achieves some otherwise unbelievable feats.
The app’s crowdfunding page boasts a GIF of Colbert pointing stone-faced at a green-screened Pavlok, which is great news for anyone who possesses even the slightest understanding of satire — though that's seemingly unapparent to whomever runs Pavlok’s landing page. The video, which can been seen below, touches on all the highlights of the product’s absurdity (with the exception of the funding page’s “Slap-da-founder” backing option for the low, low price of $1,290). “If electroshock therapy doesn’t move your fat ass,” explains Colbert in an endorsement of the wristband, “the synchronized Pavlok app will also zap you where it really hurts, because if the user hasn’t completed their goal, their bank account is automatically charged money through the app and posts on your Facebook wall, ‘I didn’t make it to the gym today.’”
And in case you were pondering the boundless possibilities for other ways to make your workout the least enjoyable part of your day, please consider the below options.
Gym-pact is among the most well-known of apps that will punish your bank account for skipping a workout. Please watch as the human personification of Pact slowly shames this poor woman into a life of repressive health-consciousness.
For those of us who prefer to ingest our meals with the highest level of discomfort, here is a plate that will literally yell at you for eating too quickly.
Tweet What You Eat
Tweet What You Eat faced media criticism after it launched around the time Twitter started picking up momentum, and has since seemingly suspended activity. However, it's worth noting that failing to name this app “lose a follower for every donut” seems like a real missed opportunity.
Image: Albotas/Tumblr; Image: Unperfectcreature/Tumblr