I will never stop being weirded out when I scroll through my Facebook and see couples breaking up, fighting, and making up, all openly on social media. It seems that the "cool" thing to do in relationships these days is to be as jealous and insecure as possible – checking each other's text messages and emails, always snooping and doubting and gossiping – and to play out every mini-melodrama online for the world to see. How is this okay with so many people? Why are so many people content to toil in such tedious, tense relationships? It wears me out just watching it from afar.
My exhaustion doesn't stop at social media head games either: my Facebook timeline has turned into a never-ending parade of couples going hiking and skydiving and traveling all over the country makes me feel tired. And not like in a “ugh, enough stop it” tired, but a literal fatigue, as though I, too am being dragged through cliffs and pushed out of planes and posed in front of ancient sculptures. Some couples are just so active and high-energy, and while I think that’s super neat, I could never be that girlfriend who suggests horseback riding as a casual weekend activity. And I don’t think I would ever be able to date a guy who would be into horseback riding as a weekend activity. I also think horses are kind of scary, but that's neither here nor there.
When I’m hanging out with my guy, we’re generally not doing much. We both work crazy hours, so when we do have time together, we catch up on Modern Family and eat popcorn for dinner at, like, 9PM. When we go to shows, we sit against the back wall and slowly sway against each other with beers in hand. When we talk about our wedding, we agree on “eventually” rather than a set date. We’re not exciting, and that’s totally cool with us. Every relationship has its own personality. If yours is super chill, you might be all about these non-committal, laid back aspects:
1. You eat pizza in bed for dinner
Because when life gives you pizza, you stay in bed and eat it, and only get up when you need ranch to dip with (if you've never had ranch with your pizza, you are not living life its fullest potential.) You two are sometimes just cool with snacking in bed in your PJs because even though it’s lazy and unhealthy, it just feels kind of amazing.
2. If you hate his show, you just go do your thing in the other room
I know some girls who feel like it’s their responsibility to endure hours of sports they don’t care about, simply because there’s one TV and if it’s on, both of you should be in front of it no matter what, like a two-for-one package. News flash: It’s totally not your responsibility to watch shows that bore the shit out of you. My fiancé likes to watch Russian dash cam videos on Youtube, and literally does this for like two hours. I have no positive or negative feelings toward insane and foreign car crashes caught on tape, but if I don’t feel like watching them, I go in the other room and get down with Gossip Girl. It’s okay to disconnect from time to time.
3. Both of you can go party separately with friends without drama
Even though you’re bound to develop a shared group of friends the longer you date each other, you’ll still want to hang out with your old college or high school friends. And this doesn’t mean dragging your boyfriend along every time you meet up with them at a bar. You two can have fun on your own and not feel jealous or overprotective.
4. A night on the couch in front of Netflix is everything
You *could* go to the movies, but that requires putting on pants, which probably isn't happening.
5. You can fart in front of each other
A fart used to be this shocking, embarrassing dilemma that would make you want to disappear forever and wish you had never been born. Now? You could care less about what he witnesses your body do.
6. You’ve unabashedly went number two at his apartment
Sometimes you have to warn him before he goes into the bathroom after you, but hey – everybody poops.
7. If you have dirty hair, you don’t feel self conscious about it around him
When your relationship was shiny and new and delicate, you always, always, always showered before hanging out. Because you might end up having sex, cuddling, or engaging in some kind of physical action that calls for the close proximity of your bodies. But after awhile, it’s not such a big deal if you forget to shower or wash your hair. It’s not like you’re living in the Victorian era and smell like blue cheese.
8. Not being threatened if your boyfriend’s best friend is a girl (and vice versa)
Jealousy is annoying. Especially if it’s unwarranted. The best way you can create tension and resentment in your relationship, is to force your boyfriend to end a friendship simply because his friend has a vagina. And if your boyfriend gets all uppity about you hanging out with other dudes, it just creates an uncomfortable, maddening vibe for everyone.
9. Fights are usually resolved immediately
Since fighting takes energy and time, laid-back couples don’t really feel like indulging in it. It’s totally healthy to argue, but stretching it out for the drama and attention is totally unnecessary. Unless you have epic make-up sex.
10. You nap together
Why do yoga together when you can just nap together? It’s basically the same thing, minus all the physical activity.
11. New Years Eve is the antithesis of your relationship
It's an obnoxious holiday that requires dressing up and going to crowded places, aka, the WORST.
12. You two are able to hang around and read books
Like, during the day. For multiple hours at a time. Without turning on the TV, or getting bored. It's almost exactly like Silent Reading Time in first grade except no one is forcing you to. Hooray chill adulthood.
13. Sex is awesome whenever, wherever
Handcuffs, lingerie, and whipped cream are cool and everything, but they require efforts that could be employed in other areas. Experimenting without feeling the need to light up a thousand vanilla candles is the way to go. Always.
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