DanRad Can't Handle Your Tears

Sorry Harry Potter fans, but your favorite pocket-sized wizard just can't handle your fangirl tears. In the latest issue of As If Magazine, Daniel Radcliffe says he's just a totally normal guy who just feels like everyone else in the world. Because we all feel just like Daniel Radcliffe, right? Oh wait, just checked my bank statement and let me tell you something, DanRad, we are VERY DIFFERENT.

He told the magazine, "We've all got our idiosyncrasies and bits of insanity, but I don't think I'm an obnoxious dick ... I obviously know that my experience isn't the same as everybody else's, but when I talk to people, I don't feel separate from them in any way."

I get this. Radcliffe really does get an A for effort in trying to be a cool guy who sometimes surprises his fans at a movie screening or cuts some random college kid's hair on Jimmy Kimmel Live! just for funsies. He completely nails the whole feminism thing and he even pays people back too... even if he was really late. He generally seems like a well-rounded and empathetic human being, but the one thing he just doesn't know is how to deal with his crying fans.

But there have been times when I've met someone, and it's been awkward, and I don't know why, and someone will say to me, "Daniel, they were nervous to meet you!" Of course, that thought never entered my head! ... The worst is when people cry. It's an awful feeling, particularly when they are 13 or 14-year-old girls. I feel horrible that they're crying. It's not worth crying about. Please! They are mostly crying out of excitement, but I still don't know how to deal with that.

Daniel, it's your lucky day, mate. I've got some totally normal responses to seeing crying teenage girls who are in awe of your magical presence.

Give them tissues

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Carry tissues on your person at all times. Have extras stuck in your back pockets. Line your sweater with extra tissues. Offer your tissues to them and pat them on the back. This is a very traumatic experience for them.

Run away

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Just hightail it out of there. The girls might be confused, but at least you won't have to experience their salty tears for one second longer than you have to.

Tell them you're a licensed therapist

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Sit with them. Talk to them about their day. Ask them about their problems. High school is rough, even though you barely did any learning at Hogwarts so you really wouldn't have any idea.

Say you're sorry

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You are the reason for their tears, you monster! Apologize! Apologize and beg for their forgiveness!

Start crying back at them

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They won't see this coming. They will either feel that they can trust you or will be so frightened that they choose to leave. Use this tactic with caution.

Calmly explain yourself

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You're just a totally normal guy doing totally normal things like buying groceries or walking a red carpet and you totally understand that they're excited but you are not sure how to handle crying people at all and it hurts you inside to see them cry but you really wish they wouldn't.

Just kidding, that won't work! Just apparate the hell out of there.

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