Radio Station Fires Staff, Now Plays Beyonce 24/7

A formerly all-news radio station in Houston has fired 47 of its employees in order to reformat as an all-Beyoncé station. Yes, we did search high and low to make sure this is not a hoax. It appears to be an actual thing that actually happened. News92 was originally exactly what you'd expect of a station with such a name: a 24/7 news outlet that reported on everything from politics to pop culture. But apparently, doing non-stop news wasn't proving to be financially viable (I'll let you chew on the implications of that on your own) so they were all "EVERYONE IS FIRED EXCEPT FOR BEYONCE." I can't even with this news, you guys. I know it makes me sound like a punk-ass basic bitch but repeat: I CAN'T EVEN.

But because I am technically reporting news, you probably want more insight than me being all "well, "Irreplaceable" is one of the greatest songs of our age." So I will try and say something coherent instead of blinking in shocking for several silent minutes.

Can you imagine what that meeting looked like? I'm picturing some balding, portly, middle-aged executive named Chuck being like, "Now, our profits are down by 800% percent; things are definitely dire. Desperate times call for..." and then he paused, ducked down under the table, and emerged wearing one bejeweled glove by Lorraine Schwartz and a fabulous wig. "...BEYONCÉ!" This, granted, is probably not what happened. But maybe it's what happened.

While I am not opposed to the idea of a radio station (especially one in Bey's hometown) going all Bey all the time, their argument for doing so insanely weak. I am sure producing news is intense and difficult and when the numbers drop, it might seem like an unworthy endeavor, but countless others have been doing it and without, you know, freaking out and deciding to play "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" over and over and over again. (Can another radio station please do that, by the way?)

Side note: Can you imagine some staff meeting at NPR where they quietly told Terry Gross that she and Ira Glass had to learn how to do the "Single Ladies" dance if they planned on continuing to work in public radio? I'm not opposed to that, now that I think of it.

In summation, Beyoncé is great, but now almost 50 people do not have jobs because literally no one is interested in hearing real news, and that's how bleak our world is right now.

Image: Getty Images