And today in "Soooooo... that happened," we have this: A toddler in Maryville, TN got stuck in a claw toy machine at a local laundromat on Tuesday afternoon. For reals. How? He crawled directly into the belly of the beast himself. And cue the ridiculous in three... two... one...
According to WBIR, 18-month-old Colin Lambert was visiting the laundromat with his grandmother, Diane O’Neill. O’Neill looked away from the boy briefly to check a text message — and by the time she looked back, he had already managed to crawl most of the way into the claw machine. “All I could see was his feet,” she said. “He had already climbed in.” She tried to grab his feet, but he kicked her hand and just kept climbing until he made it up over the glass partition. Then he sat down in the toys, because what else are you going to do when you’re a year and a half old and surrounded by new playthings?
Hilariously enough, O’Neill said she wasn’t too surprised that he climbed inside something clearly not meant to be entered; he’s big on exploration, so the draw of the claw machine was powerful, indeed. She was, however, worried that he was going to try to climb back out, citing the machine’s “cracked and broken” plastic as her main concerns. The fire department was called, which Colin, of course, loved; they got him out in a few minutes, let him pick a toy from the machine, and sent him and his grandmother on their merry way.
Obviously I am glad the boy didn’t suffer any harm during his adventure; those things are dangerous, and something very easily could have gone wrong. But at the same time? I’m laughing my head off at. As Mary Beth Quirk noted over at Consumerist, “Welcome to your future, kid. You’ll be telling the story of How I Climbed Inside a Toy Claw Machine When I was a Kid at parties for years to come, and it’ll never get old.” True that.
I’ll also admit that until I read that Colin had just climbed inside the machine, my brain also went off in all sorts of weird directions trying to figure out how he’d gotten in there in the first place. Here are few of the more ridiculous explanations I came up with:
1. Jareth the Goblin King Magicked Him Inside.
He reminded him of the babe.
2. The Aliens from Toy Story Were Trying to Bring Him into Their Claw-Worshipping Fold.
Don’t do it, Colin! Don’t believe their lies!
3. It Was Dolores Umbridge’s Latest Cruel and Unusual Punishment.
She would do something like that, wouldn't she?
4. The Machine Became Sentient and Ate Him.
I’m just waiting for the day that Skynet actually happens. It’s coming. We’d better be ready.
5. The Laundromat Is Haunted by a Ghost Who Died at the Hands of the Claw Machine.
It wanted revenge. Or something.
6. We've All Been Transported into an Episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society...
Anyone got any other theories? Let’s hear ‘em!