Senri Kawaguchi is a 16-year-old from Japan who is better at playing the drums than you, me, and possibly Tommy Lee. I can't be a 100% on that last one though, because I haven't seen her lash it out while rotating 360 degrees inside a suspended metal cage (that's right Kawaguchi, your ass just got challenged by me, and maybe also Tommy Lee but I won't commit on his behalf because he is a grown man who can speak for himself. Tommy, if you're down, hit me up because a drum-off between you two would be amazing.)
In a video making the rounds (is there anyway that exists to be all "look at this thing from the internet" without sounding like a total n00b? There isn't, is there?) Kawaguchi demonstrates her killer drum skills. She is impressive enough that when the video was over I had to quietly go stand outside and stare at the sky wondering why I was put on this earth. So you know, just the usual. It used to be that I found child prodigies charming. But now that I am over 30, I just quietly resent them and all of their gifts. *Pauses to shake fists at the heavens*
As much as I resent talented children, I love playing the drums, or at least, the idea of it. I vowed a couple of years back to learn how to play them like a boss and rock Brooklyn's socks off. Sadly, this did not occur. My lessons were cut short when I got a massive cyst on wrist that require surgical hacking-out. Then I just never went to it. Also they did not let me keep the cyst. So it was an all around bummer. If I'd at least been given a small piece of my own insides to preserve and display in a jar to all my house guests, that would have been at least something.
Image: Seneri Kawaguchi/YouTube