Gwyneth Paltrow Says Pizza, Cigarettes, and Martinis Are Fun Weekly Activities, Do We Even Know Her Anymore?

File this one under bizarre news you never expected to read: according to The Daily Mail UK, Goop goddess and green juice-radicalist Gwyneth Paltrow has admitted that she is a fan of pizza, cigarettes, and martinis not just as sinful indulgences, but as a totally welcome weekly treat. No, it is not April Fools Day. We aren't pulling your chain. These words actually came from one Gwyneth Kate Paltrow.

I'll give you a little context. Paltrow made these surprising proclamations on a recent blog post for her site. The title of the post was "Clean Beauty," and in it, Paltrow wrote about the challenges of trying to be perfect in all aspects of life, from your body to the environment. Paltrow wrote,"Not only is any concept of 'perfection' untenable (and maddening), but it's not so enjoyable, either." That's when she said, "Pizza, a cigarette at a party, a perfect martini, a daily glass of red…these aren’t 'cheats' or 'indulgences' — these are just moments that can make a week more pleasurable, a night out with friends more fun."

Paltrow continued to write how it will always be about "the mix." Life is about having a balance, and that doesn't just go for food. It goes for makeup, too. Paltrow says it's important to be kind to your bodies and use non-toxic, organic products as much as possible, but it's also OK to reach for "a bright red matte lip" and "a volume-building mascara" that you just couldn't get at a Whole Foods.

What have we learned: Paltrow is a down-ass chick, ladies and gents! She's not just that friend who makes things slightly awk when she orders a kale salad while everyone else smothers their faces with burgers and double-fat fries — in fact, she's that friend who's like, "Pass me the brownie chocolate shake, plz?!" So the next time we all give Paltrow a hard time for being little miss perfect vegan lady, just remember that she is actually more normal than you think. Not totally normal though — she's still Gwnyeth Paltrow.