I fancy myself a food critic, based on two pieces of circumstantial evidence: I like to eat food, and I eat a lot of it. In fact, food is pretty much my primary motivation to do anything. Of all the times I have performed and/or written things in my life, I did so more often in exchange for free food than actual money, which is problematic for my bank account but ridiculously great for my tastebuds. It is also how I can come forward today and declare myself an authority on weird but oddly satisfying food combinations you should probably try because I said so.
And if these mind-blowing combos aren't your style, you can always rely on the many tried-and-true fast food hacks (especially now that the internet has done us the humble service of ranking all the fast food places,) or just do what you were already doing in every other facet in life, and turn to Jennifer Lawrence's top picks for guidance (spoiler: one of them is pizza.) But if you can summon the bravery and perhaps the stomach for eating out of the box, forge ahead, fellow humans who eat things. Here are a few food combos to try if you dare:
Ruffles Sour Cream and Cheddar Chips Dipped In Cream Cheese
I am a person who has no desire to eat either of these things individually. At the risk of being deported, I'll admit I'm not a "chip" person, and everyone knows that cream cheese needs a vehicle in order to shine. Look no further. This is a combo that's been handed down my family for generations. And by generations I mean my mother came up with it and she's a genius.
Nutella and Pizza Crust
The key is to cut into the crust and open up the middle before putting the Nutella in. Microwaving helps. This is superior to any chocolate croissant you ever had.
Grilled Cheese and Beer
Now, I know that people cook grilled cheese with beer all the time, but I'm not a dip-your-toe-in-the-water kind of girl. I'm all or nothing. Which is why when I accidentally tipped over an entire Blue Moon on my grilled cheese sandwich, I embraced destiny and ate it anyway, thereby discovering that the best kind of grilled cheese is the kind you drown in alcohol you've tipsily knocked over with your elbow.
Peanut Butter on Burgers
I RESISTED THIS FOR SO LONG. I didn't believe in it. Don't make my mistake, fellow eaters of things, because this is freaking delicious.
Chocolate Milk And Tea
A lot of people already put milk in their tea, but if you ever want to feel super fancy and also make a British person cry at the complete bastardization of what was once a dignified drink, put chocolate milk in it instead. It's not for everyone, but I'll try anything with chocolate in it at least once.
Frosted Flakes And Mac And Cheese
Again, credit where credit is due: I balked the first time my mom made this "casserole" but it was life-changing. You can do what she did and use the Frosted Flakes as a crust for a mac and cheese bake, or do what I did in college, which was crush Frosted Flakes into my Easy Mac and wait for the diabetes to claim me.
Cupcakes And Bacon
This is becoming a much more popular trend, but I worked at a bakery that pioneered the Apple Bacon Cupcake trend. You cook the bacon first, then cut it into little pieces and mix it into the cupcake batter, and then every time you bite into a cupcake you get a crunchy, salty surprise. And also your cholesterol goes up about 50 points. Yay, breakfast foods!
Chocolate and Cheese
Why go to the Melting Pot and eat two expensive courses of cheese and chocolate when you can just eat them simultaneously? There are actual cheese places that make cheese with little bits of chocolate in them. I haven't known what to ask for on a single Christmas since this happened. All my dreams have already come true.
Eggs And Jam
Like a meet-cute in a romance novel, it starts with the accidental brush against each other at breakfast, and ends with the most weirdly delicious flavor combination you've ever had. (Okay, maybe not exactly like a meet-cute in a romance novel. Those usually end in sex.)
French Fries Dipped In Chocolate Milkshakes
This is no secret, but it would be remiss not to mention this American pastime.
Hot Dogs And Cream Cheese
Do it. DO IT DO IT DO IT. But just know that you'll never be satisfied with an ordinary hotdog again.
Chocolate And Avocados
The only time I've ever actually tried this, it was at a place in Nashville that makes these paletas (like fancy popsicles), and chocolate avocado was one of their rotating flavors that day. I still dream of that dessert. It was perfectly sweet and creamy and satisfying. My lifelong pursuit is to either get back to that establishment or find some way to harness the power of chocolate and avocado and make it myself.
Butter and Peanut Butter Sandwich
Why have one butter when you can have both?
Watermelon And Prosciutto
I've never actually tried this, but I was just peer pressured into adding it to the list with so much vehemence that I have to conclude that it must be delicious. Still adding a disclaimer so nobody comes after me if this combo actually ends up opening a hole in the earth and swallowing us all. Happy eating!!