There should’ve been a warning at the top of Monday night’s Vanderpump Rules. And that warning should’ve read as follows: “HEY VIEWERS? PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A MAJOR REVEAL. MAYBE AVOID EATING WHILE WATCHING. OTHERWISE, WHEN THE REVEAL STRIKES, YOU MAY LITERALLY GASP WHILE NOSHING ON A NUTRIGRAIN BAR AND ALMOST CHOKE. TRY NOT TO CHOKE ON A NUTRIGRAIN BAR AS YOU WATCH THIS EPISODE, OK?” So, what was the reveal that prompted me to gasp-choke on a piece of breakfast bar? No, it wasn't another gross morsel of gossip about Tom Sandoval's Miami trip obtained via Kristen's Insta-stalking. The news that truly affected me: Jax got a "Carmen" tattoo. Yep, our man Jax added new girlfriend Carmen's name to his epidermis.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD THIS GUY GOT YET ANOTHER WOMAN'S NAME INKED ON HIS ARM. THIS SHOW WILL BE THE END OF ME.
It’s almost as if Jax has made it his mission to prove the “an S.O. name tattoo is bad luck” thing wrong. The Stassi relaysh didn't work out, but maybe the Carmen relaysh will! Sure, it looks like the Carmen relaysh is over for good as of Monday night's ep, but ya never know with those two! That tattoo might've been a not regrettable choice after all!
When Jax joked about getting a "Tiffany" tattoo? My eyes lit up like one of the candelabras at SUR. Pleasedon'tbejokingpleasedon'tbejokingpleasedon'tbejoking.
As for the Stassi tattoo that rocked Season 2? GONE. NO MORE. KAPUT. NOTHING MORE THAN A MEMORY. During Monday night's episode, Jax decided he'd carried the weight of two names on his body for far too long. It was too much to bear. So, he covered Miss Schroeder's name right up with a black rose.
Stassi was relieved to hear the signature tat is no more and a black rose now blooms in its place:
A black rose? Black like my heart.
Forever my queen.
Image: Tommy Garcia/Bravo