Forget Leaving A Burning Bag Of Poo On Your Enemy's Doorstep—Now You Can Hire Someone To Do It
An old proverb tells us that “revenge is a dish best served cold,” but we all know that isn’t totally true—revenge is actually a dish best served lukewarm and stinky. Because, as we all know, there is no way you wouldn’t feel good after anonymously sending your arch-nemesis a tub of poo. Is this an actual thing you can do? Absolutely. Thank you, Internet.
If you’ve been slighted by a friend or an insufferable ex, now you can send them animal poo as a way of repaying their asininity. Just go to shitexpress.com (way to not beat around the bush with naming your company, guys), pick out the variety of poop you want sent (I would first Google "which animal creates the most potent poo of all"), provide an address, pick out a wrapping option (a “traditional” package vs. adding a huge, eff-you smiley face), and then complete your order by paying with Bitcoin (aka, the mysterious Internet currency nobody REALLY understands).
Question: Is this kind of service even legal? To my knowledge, there aren't any laws saying you can’t send your enemies piles of poop in mail...so go nuts! Send some poop to your horrible boss or that one relative who keeps posting homophobic rants on Facebook. Haters gonna hate and players are gonna play, but now you’ve got an easy, crap-tastic way to strike back.