This Crazy Breakup Text Is The Best (And By That, We Mean Worst) Of Them All

NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 20: Gregory Rocco, of Brooklyn, New York, looks at an iPhone 5C on display at the Fifth Avenue Apple store on September 20, 2013 in New York City. Apple launched two new models of iPhone: the iPhone 5S, which is preceded by the iPhone 5, and a cheaper, paired down version, the iPhone 5C. The phones come with a new operating system. (Photo by Andrew Burton/Getty Images)
Source: Andrew Burton/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Breakups are never pretty, but nothing makes them turn ugly faster than when angry, childish text messages start flying. Case in point? The absolutely insane breakup text that one woman received after calling it quits with her now-ex after less than two months will tempt you to swear off dating altogether. 

Shared on Twitter by The Fix editor Amy Nelmes, the message lists all of the various reasons why the relationship didn’t work out. Now, why the sender even felt the need to detail all the bad parts of his short-lived romance in the first place is beyond me. But the worst part? You would think he would list actually legitimate reasons for breaking up, such as having different stances on marriage or kids or simply not seeing it going anywhere in the long run. But nope, no logic here. Instead, this guy decided to go full-on Mean Girls, calling the woman in question out for things like her “very unladylike” swearing (gimme a freaking break) and her refusal to update her relationship status on Facebook (‘cause apparently we’re all still in middle school and that matters?).

And it only gets worse from there. With the exception of #3 (being rude to pets is just not cool, guys), none of his justifications he lists for their breakup are actually valid. In fact, they only get increasingly offensive, eventually ending with this doozy: “You won’t disclose how many sexual partners you have had, which makes me think it s upwards of 3 and anything more than is unacceptable.” WOW. So now he’s not only being insulting, he’s also slut-shaming. Sounds like a reaaal winner. 

[Embed]

On the bright side, the woman received this text message after only seven weeks — which, yes, adds to the crazy, but also makes me think she’s lucky that this guy showed his true colors so early on in the relationship. It’s actually a blessing in a (psycho) disguise — now, she can move on (aka run for the hills as fast as humanly possible) without ever looking back.

Source: Amy Nelmes/Twitter

Must Reads