Week after week, Bravo delivers Vanderpump Rules episodes that are nothing short of glimmering diamonds, fit to adorn an ornate chandelier hanging from the rafters of SUR. Monday night’s episode was no exception: Tom Schwartz, Tom Sandoval, and Jax went eyebrow threading; Jax recovered from getting his septum repaired (Side note: I am not convinced that red stuff streaming from the bandages around his nose was jelly donut filling. Like, I don’t want to call his friends liars, but that looked a whole lot like blood.); Scheana called Stassi a cult leader; Tom Schwartz walks out of PUMP mid-shift due to an panic attack (and promptly loses his job); and Stassi finally reunited with almost all of her former coworkers at the OK! magazine party.
At the OK! party, the SURvers of past and present occupied two tufted booths: the Stassi table and the Kristen/Scheana table. And never the the twain shall meet! ...Well, until an iPhone deck of cards chose one member of the Stassi table to cross the threshold of the Kristen/Scheana table, that is.
And the iPhone deck of cards chose Stassi. (The iPhone deck of cards is a bit of a pot stirrer, so everyone totally saw this one coming.)
Though Stassi is very anti-hanging out with people she doesn't like, she knew she couldn't disobey the iPhone deck of cards. She put on her chain mail and armor, mounted her horse, and rode over to the other castle. (And by that I mean she rolled her eyes and walked across the club to the other table.) Kristen and Scheana welcomed her into the tufted booth. My shoulders immediately shot up toward my earlobes.
At first, all was going well. Kristen chewed on her straw silently while Scheana and Stassi made small talk. Observations about the weather were shared. Compliments about skirts were paid. Kristen finally chimed in to tell Stassi she thought they'd never see each other again and that she hopes Stassi is doing well.
Just as my shoulders began to go back to their normal spot, Kristen asked Stassi if she'd seen Jax post-op. My arms pretzeled behind my head. Yes, the moment caused me anxiety, but I also experienced a pang of glee. Doute hittin' us with the ol' bait-and-switch! I LOVED IT.
Stassi was done. Stassi excused herself from the table.
BUT THAT WOULD NOT BE THE END! Scheana and Kristen headed on over to Stassi's table. And then, this explosion took place:
AW, FEELS LIKE OLD TIMES!!!!