Boris Kodjoe, Old Navy mannequin come to life and star of the new film Baggage Claim, is at it again. And by "it" I mean "spewing ignorant, sexist, hateful comments about women and weight gain." Apparently, one highly offensive Twitter tirade wasn't enough for the barely-famous actor. He's got to keep spreading his message of cruel judgement and crass opinions.
Speaking with the blog CNikky.com in support of Baggage Claim, Kodjoe and his co-star Derek Luke spoke about the issues facing married couples. For some reason, Kodjoe (who is married to actress Nicole Ari-Parker), felt the need to hop back on his hate train and profess the need for wives to keep it tight after getting married:
Okay, part of the deal is, you got to keep it sexy. Got to keep it hot. Because it’s easy getting married, but it’s not as easy to stay married. And part of that is, like, I make my wife my girlfriend. She’s my girlfriend. So, we got to keep it sexy. If we keep it sexy, we keep it right, everything else falls into place.
Let's just unpack these statements for a moment. Oh right. It's so "easy to get married." That's why there's a billion-dollar industry built around match-making websites. That's also why there's a rampant and heartbreaking issue in this country which causes women to connect their physical forms to their worthiness of love and relationships (see also: our billion dollar fitness and weight loss industry).
Perhaps in Boris's super sexy world, marriages grow on trees alongside apples and oranges. All it takes is a meeting of two equally sexy specimens and boom: marriage hits them over the head like falling fruit and they're thrust into a life-long physical fitness challenge in which the first one to lose his or her six pack is cast into the dungeon of loneliness and despair.
Does Kodjoe keep a body fat and skin fold caliper under his bed and force his other half to submit to weekly tests to check that she's indeed "keeping it hot?" If his wife ever eats something other than diet food, does he stare her down until she does 200 crunches to expel the evil calories from her "sexy" bod? Does he start auditioning future wives every time he suspects that her jeans are getting tighter? Is love not a factor in this marriage? Is he a robot hellbent on sexy people inheriting the earth?
Possibly. But he made sure we know that he's not a sexist robot. He holds himself to the same superficial standards and fully expects his babe of a wife to dump his ass if he stops being sexy (get ready for a rude awakening when old age sets in, big guy):
What if I gained 200 pounds and then she’ll look at me like, really? And I couldn’t even blame her if she started looking around, because I took her off the market, so I have to deliver what the market could possibly deliver for her. So, I gotta take that place. Right? So, I gotta fulfill those things that the market could’ve given her. I’m the market now, so I got to keep it hot and she has to do the same for me.
Ah, the physical economics of Happily Ever After. Don't you just long for the day you can turn to your future spouse and say, "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till our inability to keep the body of 22-year-old yoga instructors do us part."
After all, it would just be selfish to keep a hottie tied down when the market is just crying out for more sexy people. How dare you have any physical changes in your aging body! And how selfish of you to assume that love and commitment is enough to deem your differently-shaped self worthy of a sexy spouse! You inconsiderate ingrate!
Fortunately, Luke steps in at one point to try and make sense of Kodjoe's inane babbling, saying, "I think [Boris] is right: you should put in effort to keep it sexy. But I think if you have missed the effort to keep it sexy, I think that there should be something stronger ... It should be commitment."
At least one of these men has a brain, a heart, and the ability to process oxygen normally.
Still, we should have expected this. Back in 2011, Kodjoe came under fire when he took to Twitter with the deplorable hashtag "#FatExcuses." Over a series of tweets, his lecture went like so:
'I LIKE FRIED FOODS' ok, portion control is key. U don't have 2 b a vegan, just take it easy on 2 much fried and processed foods ... 'MEN LIKE THICK GIRLS' There's a difference between a healthy and sexy stacked goddess (easy Boris!) and an unhealthy obese one ... 'DON'T HAVE TIME TO EXCERCISE' [sic] If u have time 2 watch 'Keeping up With the Kardashians' [sic] u hv time 2 do jumping-jacks n crunches
We should have known.
Alas, let's all just breathe a sigh of relief that this imbecile is already tied down and pray that he never gains an inch. God knows what horrors would be unleashed if Kodjoe ever returned to the dating market and some unassuming human was forced to withstand his brainless posturing. And in the meantime, he may have the abs of a Ken doll, but this reveal of the inner trappings of his compassion-deficient brain just proved that he is, without a doubt, one of the least sexy people in the history of Hollywood.