9 Things You Can Be Thankful For This Thanksgiving — Just Don’t Tell Us About It

Thanksgiving is truly the darling of all holidays. It requires no real gifts or bona-fide décor besides Crayola hand-turkeys — just pure, unadulterated feasting and drinking and napping with people whom we love. I am way, way into occasions like Thanksgiving that bring family, friends, and food together. In fact, I think we should have more of these, because A) not a whole lot is better than eating for five hours straight, and b) holidays such as Thanksgiving force us to really slow down and appreciate the good in our lives. Because we really ought to.

Like most families, mine allots a few minutes before chow time for us all to share what we’re most thankful for, be it our parents, our friends, the gorgeous pumpkin pie that’s being chilled in the fridge (oh, YAS), passing the GRE, or simply having a roof over our heads. While it’s awesome and wonderful to share our thanks, we should also know what not to share. While some of us have no qualms with bearing all on social media, there is such a thing as TMI, or just grossly flaunting our privilege. Don’t be that person. Don’t be gross or socially irresponsible. Here are some topics that should probably be off-limits when it comes to your Facebook status or Twitter account this Thanksgiving:

1. Your killer sex life

As I'm scrolling through Facebook on Thanksgiving morning, the last thing (OK, maybe not the LAST, but certainly not the first thing) I want to see is a status that indicates the vigorous Thanksgiving sex you just had because you are #blessed to have a hubby who is so well endowed. Like, that's totally cool — I applaud your oozing sexuality, and I'm happy you're getting some. But let's keep some things under wraps, shall we?

2. A country that allows you to own as many guns as you want

OK, Republican uncle. You're definitely allowed to appreciate your right to the 2nd Amendment (well, the appropriated version, at least), but what with the increased incidents of school shootings, gun violence, and the effed up premise of Thanksgiving and establishment of the U.S. (you know...how the pilgrims took over the Native Americans' land by brute force and all), maybe don't vocalize your penchant for weaponry. JUST a thought.

3. That you’re able to live in a place where you can wear crop tops year-round

It's excellent that you live in warm climate conditions, but just know that most of the country is experiencing a super harsh winter, and might be rolling their eyes at your weather humblebrag. Plus, we all know winter fashion is way superior, anyway (scarves and boots FTW).

4. The 30 pounds you lost by solely eating tiny blocks of cheese

Brownie points to whoever gets this reference! But seriously — almost no one really wants to know about your diet. Like, it's very cool you met your weight goal. But posting about your radical food discipline on a day when 99 percent of the country is stuffing its face with meat and potatoes is pretty pointless. Take it to a food blog.

5. Your blessed period (that was a close call)

I'm happy you're happy, but maybe leave this one to personal texts.

6. That you’re able to take like five paid vacations to Europe

Yes I'm insanely jealous of you, and yes I'm sure you deserve all five vacations, but it doesn't change that fact that your beautiful photos of ancient cathedrals and statues make me want to cry into my keyboard.

7. Your maid. What a life saver

I'm not saying you don't have the right to have a maid. That's your choice, and I don't really care either way because we all have different lifestyles and everything. But boasting about how you basically pay someone to clean your house is tacky as hell.

8. That you don’t have to work on Thanksgiving

But so many people do, and don't have any kind of choice about it. Some folks ARE super lucky that they don't have to work on holidays. But that privilege isn't universal. Let's make sure to think about that this Thanksgiving (and every Thanksgiving).

9. That all the extra fiber definitely worked

Did I just imagine you pooping for a second? Why yes, yes I did. And it's all your fault. TMI, my friend. TMI.

Images: Getty; Giphy (9)