35 Things I'd Say To My Cheating Ex Now That I've Found Real Love

Looking back at the relationships I've had and how they ended, I often cringe at what I said in the heat of the moment. I won’t even dare to look at the sent folder in my email. Some things are best left in the past.

But no matter how your relationship ended, there’s always going to be something that you feel like you need to say to your ex. Even if you’re still friends and even hang out with them from time to time, there are probably more than a few things that you’d like to tell them. And when you finally fall in love again? Well, then you definitely have a few things to say.

It was when I found love again — real love — that I was able to look back at those relationships with a greater understanding of the purpose they served in forming the person I am today. It was a series of events that followed my last breakup that brought me to the man I’m with today, and for that, I'm very grateful.

Here are 35 things I would tell my ex — some nice, some not so nice — now that I’ve found real love.

I THOUGHT YOU DESTROYED ME when we broke up

At least it felt that way longer than I’d care to admit.

BUT IN REALITY, YOU DIDN’T

Like, not at all.

...ALTHOUGH I DID SLEEP WITH YOUR T-SHIRT FOR MONTHS AFTER YOU LEFT

I just wanted to smell that smell of you a bit longer.

at least i FINALLY THREW IT out around THE SIX MONTH MARK

Or rather, my friend threw it out.

IT USED TO MAKE ME SICK THAT I WASTED SO MUCH TIME WITH YOU

But I got over that thanks to a strong antacid and some wine.

BUT NOW I REALIZE YOU WERE A NECESSARY STEPPING STONE

And I was one for you, too, in case you’ve yet to realize it.

GRANTED, YOU WERE A SLIPPERY STEPPING STONE THAT CONSTANTLY HAD ME FALLING IN THE WATER

But maybe it's my fault for not investing in shoes with a better sole.

but YOU HAD A BIG ROLE IN FORMING WHO I AM TODAY

I guess we can thank you for my trust issues, right? I kid! (Or do I?)

IN FACT, I NEEDED TO LOVE YOU AND LOSE YOU

That’s what the fortune cookies I’ve been eating for months have told me anyway.

BECAUSE WITHOUT you, i PROBABLY WOULDN’T HAVE been ready for THIS NEW LOVE

Thanks for driving me halfway across the globe, buddy.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? he's AWESOME

And you said I’d never meet anyone as great as you. Pfft.

AND CAN COOK BETTER THAN YOU

Not that that was too hard, to be honest.

AND HE ACTUALLY MAKES ME FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF

And our relationship.

HE TELLS ME HE LOVES MY BELLY

Which means I've stopped hating my body.

HE LISTENS TO MY RANTS ABOUT THE INJUSTICES OF THE WORLD EVEN WHEN HE'S EXHAUSTED

He's a saint, that's for sure.

AND TELLS ME HE LOVES ME a dozen times a day

At first it made me uncomfortable, but now I love it, because I know it's coming from a place of truth and honesty.

NOT TO MENTION, HE'S FUNNIER than you

True story: sometimes I had to fake laugh at your jokes.

IT MAKES ME REALIZE THAT YOU WERE A PRACTICE RUN FOR THE REAL THING

As they say, “Practice makes perfect.”

BECAUSE WITH YOU, I GOT TO MAKE MISTAKES

And let’s not forget the myriad of mistakes you made, too.

LIKE, I SHOULDN'T HAVE SMOTHERED YOU

I can admit now I was probably too addicted to you.

AND i never should have TRUSTED YOU WHEN IT WAS SO OBVIOUS THAT YOU WERE NEVER GOING TO STOP CHEATING

I really should have listened to my mom on that one: "Once a cheater; always cheater."

OR CONTINUED TO TELL YOU I LOVED YOU — EVEN THOUGH YOU STOPPED SAYING IT BACK

Well, I was a little late on the uptake, I guess.

luckily, I LEARNED FROM THOSE MISTAKES

Because the more you know, right?

AND I BECAME more AWARE OF THE type of PERSON i want to be with

And that person not only takes into consideration my feelings, but respects those feelings, too. (Even if he isn't exactly Ryan Gosling.)

...AND THAT PERSON IS DEFINITELY NOTHING LIKE YOU

But it really does piss me off that it took me a years to figure that out.

but MORE IMPORTANTLY, you taught me about THE kind of PERSON I WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP

Someone strong who doesn’t take shit and loves with everything I have.

SO I WANT TO THANK YOU

I’ve just yet to decide if I should put it in a card or on a cake that I’ll send to your office.

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME GO

Being free is so much fun.

AND for LETTING ME LIVE A LIFE FREE OF HAVING TO HEAR YOUR SNORING EVER AGAIN

It’s amazing what stops being endearing when you come to your senses.

OR WATCHING YOU CLIP YOUR TOE NAILS DURING LAW & ORDER

I still don’t know how you ever thought this was appropriate behavior.

OR LISTENING TO YOU TELL ME I'M 'NO DICKENS'

Yeah, I know that, but thanks for pointing it out. Again.

BECAUSE I’M EXACTLY WHERE I’M SUPPOSED TO BE

Happy in love.

AND YOU'RE EXACTLY WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE, i assume

Where are you exactly? I haven't stalked your Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram in months.

OH, AND ONE LAST THING

...WE ARE NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER

You know, just in case you start getting any funny ideas.

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