These Things Are Played Out on Online Dating

Online dating can make you feel like a modern-day gold miner. You had to sift through a lot of dirt to find the real gold. When you find the true treasure, the search feels worth it. But until then, it can be exhausting. Having to scroll through and through to find a real genuine person is like a daunting task. There are certain things that bring out the eye roll within me, that's for sure.

Here’s a list of the most overplayed and sigh-inducing things on online dating profiles that I would be more than okay with never seeing again.


“I can’t wait to meet someone negative!” — said nobody ever. If your profile screams Negative Nancy or Ned, you may want to look into finding a therapist before a hot date. Nobody wants to buy you some wine, if all you’re going to do is whine. If all you say on your profile is “I don’t like this” or “I don’t like that” then good luck having someone like you.

Where’s Waldo

You’d swear The Who’s song, “Who Are You,” is about online dating if you didn’t know any better. If I wanted to figure out “Where’s Waldo” I’d go buy the book, not look at your online dating profile pictures. It’s okay to have a group shot, but you need to add in some solo pics as well. People aren’t looking to date you and all of your friends, or at least, I’m not into that kind of thing.

No Shirt, No Thank You

I never thought I would be saying this, but guys, can you please put your shirts back on? When did the world decide it was okay to have all of these shirtless selfies? If you want people to take your profile seriously, take a shirt seriously, and put it on.

Solo Cup

If you’ve got a red solo cup in every one of your photos, then you’ll most likely be flying solo for a long time. I get it, you like to party. But do you think we want to bring Mr. or Ms. Party home to good ol’ Mom and Dad? Leave the party cup at home, or else you might end up alone.

Is That Your Baby?

I know you think that picture of you holding that baby is “like so cute” but, I can’t tell if that is your kid or your nephew or a baby you picked up on the streets. So when in doubt, hold a puppy instead. It’s less confusing.

Hugh Hefner Effect

Unless you’re Hugh Hefner, choosing the photos where you’re surrounded by a bunch of ladies isn’t the best route to take. Attracting the opposite sex doesn’t happen by posing with them. It doesn’t make me like you any better. In fact, I’m hoping those ladies are all your female cousins or something. And now I’m intimidated by your beautiful family.

Too Much

Too much is never a good thing — especially when it comes to online dating. The guy that’s giving off too much romance by saying he loves long walks on the beach. Um, we’ve heard that one before. Also, we know you probably prefer long walks to the fridge over the beach any day. Or the girl who lists all the things she hates in a potential mate. Too much, too soon.

Picture (Not So) Perfect

You want to be picture perfect, not picture, wait, why does that person look different in every photo? A picture speaks a thousand words and you want those words to draw in a potential mate, not a confused person. Make sure you are choosing photos that actually look like you. This doesn’t include you from seven years ago. It’s okay if maybe you’ve gained five pounds, or you’re losing a bit of your hair. Show off the real you and find someone who will appreciate it.

Throwing Shade

The one thing you don’t want to be doing on your online dating profile is throwing shade. So, take off those sunglasses and let us see those pretty peepers of yours. They say the eyes are the windows to your soul. Show off that soul, people!

Image: , dannychoo/Flickr