As much as we as a society still love to trumpet, “Celebrities: they’re just like us!” we all know deep down in our hearts that it’s simply not true. There are several reasons for this. Besides their wealth and fame, celebrities have the inherent ability to get away with things that the rest of us mortals cannot.
Case in point: Miley Cyrus was recently snapped by paps wearing a unicorn onesie at the Sydney airport. I found myself actually envying her for a second. I mean, you have to admit it seems like the most comfortable possible thing to wear on an airplane. Then I thought, Why can’t I dress like Miley Cyrus? Just because I'm not a superstar shouldn't mean I'm limited to so-called "normal" standards of dressing, right? So, for seven whole days, I decided to have a grand experiment and see what it’s like to dress like a famous person when you are not, in fact, a famous person.
I chose outfits from the past year or two (2013-2014) that Cyrus wore out and about. No concert attire or bleached hair because I’m not that crazy, and it is far too cold to wear pasties as a shirt in December. Here’s how it went down.
Day 1: Sunday
For my first day I eased into things with a fairly simple outfit. Cyrus recently wore overalls out on the street. I have overalls! Oh wait, hers were leather overalls. Sigh.
My take: This outfit required a few tweaks. I figured leather pants would have to do, and my shirt is not cropped because midriff-bearing just isn't my thing. I did happen to have gold sneakers, but also had to skip the backwards hat. I have to draw the line somewhere or this week is going to go downhill fast.
Day 2: Monday
Miley Cyrus loves her thigh high Christian Louboutin boots, particularly when paired with a red lip and either hot pants or no pants. In this case she opted for no pants, wearing them with an oversized plaid shirt. Is there any better outfit for a casual Monday night date?
My take: My boots are from Target, my shirt was stolen from my dad’s closet, and my lipstick is from the drugstore. So I feel like this wasn’t really a fair fight.
Although my thighs were frozen by the end of the night, I was pleasantly surprised by how little attention my complete lack of pants got in my small town. Maybe it is better to be totally unknown--unless you want the attention (which I have a feeling Cyrus does).
Day 3: Tuesday
Cyrus wore this grungy outfit back in May in London. Her Maison Martin Margiela leather jacket cost $956. I got my pleather jacket for $20 at Forever 21.
My take: It was probably a mistake to wear plaid two days in a row. I cannot pull off ‘90s grunge. It was definitely a mistake to go out wearing daisy dukes when there was still snow on the ground — my legs got a lot of concerned looks in Starbucks. I found myself desperately wishing that I could actually wear the flannel shirt for some extra warmth.
Day 4: Wednesday
Double denim: not my usual look but I figured it would be totally doable.
My take: My entire outfit was from Old Navy and I was missing the $800 gold Chanel chain belt. It was 20 degrees out, but a jacket would have ruined the whole Canadian Tuxedo asthetic. I ended up forfeiting this round and sprinting for my car.
Day 5: Thursday
By this point it was almost the end of the week and just being Miley is exhausting, so you can’t judge me for picking this totally normcore outfit.
My take: I wore this to lunch at a diner and looked like everyone else there, minus my mini Chanel bag of course (kidding, mine is from Target). When we snapped this photo of my outfit it was snowing and I didn’t have a coat on. It was the warmest I’d been all week.
Day 6: Friday
Close to giving up at this point, I desperately did a Google search for “Miley Cyrus completely covered up.” I saw this outfit, which she wore to lunch, so off to lunch I went! Best part of this week was how many times I got to eat out.
My take: I liked her satin striped trousers but the closest I could get was a pair of men’s track pants — not the same effect. Is it weird that I feel like my Zara coat looks more expensive than hers though? This outfit was very comfy and warm but I looked like a depressed slob. She pulled it off better.
Day 7: Saturday
For the last day, I thought I would go out with a bang. Yep, that means… the onesie.
My take: You can get the exact unicorn onesie that Cyrus wears here, but since I didn’t have $60 to spare for something that I would never wear out of the house again, I had to make do with what I had. And what I had was this puppy onesie. (Not like, in my closet — I borrowed it from my kid sister. I swear.)
My nearest airport is a 40 minute drive away, so I wore my onesie to the library instead. I almost got roped into story time with a bunch of very small children, and had the sudden urge to nap in an armchair. Obviously this outfit got the most side-eye but at least I was warm.
All in all, the week wasn’t that bad. I’d do it again in warmer weather and without the onesie. Plus when I sat down to write this, I saw her latest outfit of a tinsel wig and disco pasties and suddenly felt like I had dodged a bullet.
Enjoy getting dressed like normal people this week, everyone, and remember to ask yourself, What would Miley wear? Then wear the opposite. (Unless it's gold sneakers. Gold sneakers are always on-point.)
Images: Joshua Kirby