Whether we’re going to ~Da cLuBs~ or on a dinner date with a friend, most women spend a considerable amount of time getting ready for any occasion: Putting on makeup, deciding what outfit to wear, and overanalyzing the possibility running into someone we don’t want to run into (or someone we really do want to run into) are just some of things that take place when a lady gets ready to paint the town red (or at least scribble on it a little bit). If you’re reading this, I’m assuming you've partaken in this tradition at some point.
Maybe you don’t commit to it quite as hard as other women; a little bit of mascara, a cup of coffee, and off you go. Or maybe you are one to really embrace your pre-party self: You’ve got mood lighting lit, energetic music blasting, your phone ready and charged just in case you have to send a friend an emergency text asking whether you should go with the booties or the heels...you're fully engrossed in the ritual that is Getting Ready To Go Out. The process, more of less, involves doing the following things:
1. Laying out all potential outfits and sending pictures of each one to your best friend
Before you even waste your precious time trying on a million different outfits, you first consult a trusted friend who knows your wardrobe well enough to understand what you look like in any given shirt, dress, or pair of jeans.
2. Trying each outfit on, and also sending those pictures to your friend
After an outfit has passed its first test, it is ready to be modeled. But you still want to make sure that you look as good in the outfit as it looked laid out on your bed, so you text your friend another picture of you, as well as the caption, “yay or nay?” This shall be the deciding factor.
3. Blasting Kesha, Britney Spears circa 2008, or any other Party Girl pop you can find on your iTunes
Party Girl pop is absolutely essential, especially if you’re going to an event with a lot of people and you need something to get you hyped up and socially prepared. There’s nothing like Kesha telling you she’s brushing her teeth with Jack Daniels, or one of Godney’s hits from that time she shaved her head and recorded a lot of overly produced electronic garbage. Those are seriously some of the very the best “I’m Going To Get Very, Very Wasted Tonight” songs, and you need them in your life. Bonus Getting Ready Song: "Saturday Night" by The Spice Girls.
4. Watching YouTube cat-eye tutorials
Yes, you know how to put on makeup, but you still like to try out something new sometimes. You'll end up giving up after five minutes and just going with whatever you normally do, but still, it's fun to give it a shot.
5. Stalking the "Attending" list of any Facebook event you're going to
Because one must never be caught by surprise. What if your ex-best friend shows up and emotionally wrecks you for the rest of the night? Or that cute guy from work you've been crushing on but trying really hard not to make out with because that would be totally unprofesh? This is all very, very important, non-classified information to have before walking into any event.
6. And then the “Maybe” guest list
We all know “maybe” almost always means “nope” when it comes to RSVP-ing, but you still want to scope all the possibilities. Just because someone's flaky, doesn't mean they might not show up at 1AM.
7. Eating a Hawaiian Roll or something equally small and doughy that feels substantial enough to absorb alcohol, but isn't filling enough to make you want to stay home and sleep
It's a delicate balance to achieve. Hence, the bread rolls. All hail bread rolls, the perfect alcohol appetizer.
8. Guzzling at least two Redbulls/Diet Cokes/green juices
Because you need your "strength." Your choice of pre-party energy drink really depends on how healthy you are in general, but the goal here is the same: Wake your body up and get ready to have an excellent time.
9. Inspecting your armpits to see if you remembered to shave them, or at least put on deodorant
Shaving is basically a non-issue, but smelling like an onion is definitely an issue. And then there's the part where you have to caaaaaaaarefully apply the forgotten deodorant so it doesn't paint your shirt white and ruin everything.
10. Taking a picture of you hair and sending it to your best friend with the caption, “Can you tell I haven’t showered?”
The only acceptable answer is: “No, you totally can't tell, but let me come over and I’ll bring that really good dry shampoo I was telling you about.” What an angel.
11. Dancing to Party Girl pop to get ~*~in the zone~*~
By this time, those Redbulls have kicked in and YOU ARE FEELING SO ALIVE RIGHT NOW.
12. Taking a "Getting Ready To Go Out" selfie and posting it on Instagram with the caption, “Yeah, I clean up nicely.”
*Brushes shoulders off*
Images: Getty Images; Giphy(7)