Bustle Readers Share What They Wish Someone Had Told Them Beforehand About Losing Their Virginity
Most of us go into the experience of losing our virginity with high hopes. We base these hopes on movies, what our friends tell us about their first times, and what we’ve always imagined. You know, that candlelit room, your favorite song on in the background, your bodies writhing against red velvet sheets, and then the earth-shattering orgasm that will surely follow. Yes, that’s how we think it’s going to be.
When it comes to sex, people leave out a lot of details that actually might come in handy during your first time. While everyone tends to be vocal about practicing safe sex — as they should — they usually don’t cover the other stuff, the less than charming parts of it that you sure as hell would never see in a movie. No one gives you the rundown about smells, sounds, sights — or even the risk you run of getting a leg cramp mid-sex.
Bustle asked a few readers their memories on losing their virginity, and what, if anything, were the things they experienced during their first time that they wish someone had warned them about. Here’s what they said they wish they'd known their first time.
1. There Are So. Many. Fluids.
"That there might be a leak of someone else's fluids when you stand up. So, clench."
2. If You Have a Vagina, It Can Suck
"There was no enjoyment whatsoever, and afterwards, it felt like my vagina was falling out."
3. ...And You Probably Won't Have an Orgasm
"If you are a girl, chances are, you will not come. This is because movies f*cking lie to you. You will THINK you came, but then 10 years later, when you have your first REAL orgasm, you'll feel real f*cking robbed."
4. But Sometimes, It Actually Doesn't Hurt At All
"It isn't supposed to hurt a lot. If it does (and it did), then your partner is doing it wrong. Seriously."
5. Nor Is Bleeding a Definite
"Not everyone has a hymen, exactly. Some break theirs as kids riding bikes or horses, or just generally being really active. Some get theirs wiggled around during foreplay and so they aren't really a problem. Some don't have one at all. Not EVERYONE bleeds the first time, and whether you do or don't, doesn't mean a whole lot."
6. It Might Not Change Anything About How You Feel
"It's okay to feel like you're a different person after, and it's okay to not feel different at all. Everyone is different."
7. It Usually Takes Longer Than It Does in the Movies
"[As a guy], I thought it would take me less than two minutes to come, but it took way longer. I was so nervous that after a half hour we had to take a break. (For your first time, this isn't a good thing.)"
8. ...But Don't Expect Too Much
"The whole experience is not going to be awesome, so don't don't expect much."
9. It Will Be Funny
"The media tells you your first time is a magical thing. On the opposite end of the spectrum, porn tells you it's a delicious merging of bodies with the hopes of sweat-tasting and raw throbbing orgasms. But what NO ONE tells you is how f*cking funny it looks. As such, the worst thing you can do is start laughing. Don't laugh. Once you start you won't be able to stop and it will ruin the moment."
10. Either Way, You're a Good Person
"You're a good person whether you have a lot of sex or no sex. No one tells you that and they should."
11. There Will Be Weird Noises
"The first thing I noticed was the sound coming from our genitals, and it made me wonder if we were totally doing it wrong. It sounded like wet slaps or the noise that pudding would make if you shook it really hard in a covered bowl."
12. Lube Is Your Best Friend
"No one ever tells you about LUBRICATION. I lost my virginity when I was on wetness-zapping SSRIs and my boyfriend was very well endowed. We just... couldn't... get it... in. Utterly unprepared, we ended up using ACTUAL VASELINE from my dorm room medicine cabinet because we did not yet know that saliva can be the best lubricant."
13. You Might Be Underwhelmed
"Sometimes it's not a big deal. It doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be mind-blowing. You don't have to be in love. Just because you didn't see rainbows and fireworks doesn't mean you did it wrong."
14. There Are Actually More Exciting Things Than Sex
"I felt like it wasn't a big deal, and it just sorta happened, and then life continued just like nothing had changed. You're led to believe it's such a pivotal moment — maybe for some people it is. I just didn't think it was. I thought making out with a girl with the first time was more mind-blowing. Having someone's tongue in your mouth is sorta weird."
15. Your Gag Reflex Will Need Some Work
"Learn to master your gag reflex. He will smell weird, taste weird, and weird things will go into your mouth. But it will all be weirdly erotic."
16. No One's First Time Is Good
"Probably the #1 thing no one tells you is that your first time is almost always bad."
17. You'll Have Doubts
"You'll feel like maybe you should have waited, but you'll also know it would always have been as good or bad, or whatever it was going to be."
18. It's All About The Second Time
"The second time is amazing! It feels better, you feel more confident in what you're doing, and feel more connected, because you've gotten the awkward 'am I doing this right?' out of the way."
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