New Year's Resolutions for 'The Walking Dead' Because They *Totally* Have Time for Self-Improvement
Each new year, people feel the need to reevaluate their lives and reflect on how they will improve during the next year — yet, somehow I doubt the characters of The Walking Dead are concerned with coming up with resolutions. So I've taken it upon myself to come up with the New Year's resolutions for The Walking Dead characters. The most popular New Year's resolutions include losing weight, saving money, quitting smoking, drinking less, and getting a better job. With the exception of Bob's drinking (RIP), the main homeboys and homegirls of The Walking Dead have way more important things on their minds — as in, mostly killing zombies and surviving.
It seems to me that the characters from AMC's The Walking Dead who would have made actual resolution lists are dead. (I'm looking at you, Lori and Andrea. I even bet Dale was a resolution man.) I just supremely doubt that the badass survivors on The Walking Dead in Season 5 even know what day it is — let alone when New Year's Day is. Plus, I don't think most people who create resolution lists have to murder zombies on a regular basis (but that could just be a hunch). So, since our favorite zombie slayers are busy — here is what I think the characters of The Walking Dead should work to improve on when the show returns to the air on Feb. 8.
I will not get too depressed about Beth's death — and I will make out with Carol.
I will make out with Daryl.
I will not get pregnant with Glenn's baby — or get too depressed about Beth's death. (I'm feeling a Beth support group growing here.)
I will learn how to say my son's name correctly. (Corrrrrallllll.)
I will keep being the most silent and precious baby in the zombie-filled world. (Keep on keeping on, baby Judith!)
I will become the badass I was built to be and stop crying like a wimp.
I will get over Bob and get back to killing.
I will stop being a dirty liar and cut my mullet. (There are clearly razors and scissors around since all of the women's armpits are so cleanly shaven!)
I will stop allowing Eugene to lie to me — and stop allowing him to watch me having sex with Rosita.
I will eat less pudding.
I will make sure my gun's safety is on. (Oh wait, too late for 2015, Dawn.)
I will get a backup katana. One has proven to not be enough.
I will accept that I'm not JLo early in her career and change my wardrobe.
I will focus on me this New Year's and stop pining after unattainable people. (Sorry, Tara — you and Maggie are never going to happen.)
I will accept that my parishioners are all zombies and channel the wrathful god of the Old Testament.
I will make Beth's death worth it (it shouldn't take too much — burn!).
I will reveal myself to Rick and crew.
Happy 2015, The Walking Dead characters! I'm sure you'll find time in your schedule to work on these super attainable goals.