Miley Cyrus Is Topless On The Cover of 'Rolling Stone' And Kanye West is Her "Homie"

Source: Ethan Miller/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Miley Cyrus is topless again, it seems, on the cover of the Oct. 10 issue of Rolling Stone. In her interview, she addressed her performance at the 2013 VMAs, the reason why she's worn little-to-no clothing in the past year, the male-female double standard (gasp!), and that time Kanye West sent her five pairs of Celine slippers (what?) among many other topics that have puzzled us for months. The biggest question remains unanswered... what world is Miley living in? Because it's certainly not the same as ours. So let's take a look at some of her more ridiculous quotes from the Rolling Stone interview:

In Miley's World: On Twerking and Her Ass

People are like, 'Miley thinks she's a black girl, but she's got the flattest ass ever,'" she says. "I'm like, I'm 108 pounds! I know! Now people expect me to come out and twerk with my tongue out all the time. I'll probably never do that shit again.

In the Real World...

Cyrus' Twitter bio claims that she's the proud owner of a "california face. with a down south rump." I'm assuming that "rump," in this case, is implying that she's got a little more going on downstairs than what she's been putting on display lately. So there's that. Plus, Cyrus continued her twerking in Las Vegas this past weekend at the iHeartRadio Music Festival during her four-song performance during which she also stuck out her tongue, sang into a banana microphone, and smacked a little person's butt. The twerking continued post-show when the singer tweeted this picture with the hashtag, "twerkin with a dayum monkey on my back." So basically, Miley, you're still doing "that shit,"

 

In Miley's World: On Her VMA Performance Backlash

No one is talking about the man behind the ass. It was a lot of 'Miley twerks on Robin Thicke,' but never, 'Robin Thicke grinds up on Miley.' They're only talking about the one that bent over. So obviously there's a double standard.

In The Real World...

Admittedly, the Cyrus-centric chatter was a bit of a double standard, but, Miley, you did, in fact, intentionally, "twerk on Robin Thicke." Everyone saw you. How could they not, when you were brandishing a foam finger between your legs? Also, are you living under a rock? Because Paula Patton has been fighting tooth and nail in the media to let us all know that she supports ALL of her husband's creative decisions. But really guys, she "wasn't trying to be sexy," and she knows that she looks "like a little creature," with those creepy pigtails.

In Miley's World: On Her Nakedness Being A Result Of Childhood

I'm still kind of a semi-nudist, because I never had clothes on.

In The Real World...

There's no such thing as a semi-nudist, Miley. You're either a nudist or you're not. Also, you can't reference your childhood nudity as a reason you might be a nudist, because all children run around naked, myself included, and I don't come to work in pasties. Please tell us your views on naturism and then we'll get back to you on throwing the term "nudist" around.

In Miley's World: On Her Relationship With Kanye

Kanye is the shit ... I kind of have a good relationship with him now. It's good to have someone you can call and be like, 'Yo, do you think I should wear this?' 'Do you think I should go in the studio with this guy?' 'Do you think this is cool?' That's what homies are supposed to do.

In The Real World...

When was the last time you asked Kanye West what you should wear? Especially considering that baby North West has a dress code of black, white, and cream, which we can certainly assume doesn't include mesh and latex. Cyrus also says in the interview that West gave her a pre-VMA performance pep-talk, telling the singer, "There are not a lot of artists I believe in more than you right now," calming her anxiety. We can think of one

In Miley's World: On Hanging Out With Bieber

I'm not much older than him, so I never want it to feel like I'm mentoring him. But I do mentor him in a way. Because I've been doing this shit for a long time, and I already transitioned, and I don't think he's quite done it yet.

In The Real World...

Cyrus only has two years on the Biebs in terms of high-profile careers (I don't count being Billy Ray's child) and most of it was behind the sheltered walls of Disney's studios. She claims to guide him on what not to do so he doesn't "become a joke." And in one the the most hypocritical statements of all time, she says that she's told Bieber, "Don't come in shirtless." Also, what kind of transition are we talking about here, Miley? Bieber is indeed a talented musician and people aren't taking him seriously because he's trying to keep up with the trends, but you're also a talented musician that no one takes seriously because of all the crazy "shit" you're up to. Please don't start inviting the Biebz over to paint his fingernails black and cornrow his hair.

And, based on the Rolling Stone article, there are a lot of other people living in Cyrus' Malibu-soaked world. Pharrell and Lil' Kim send her inspirational and supportive texts all the time, including during the time this interview was conducted. She convinced Josh Eells, the reporter on the piece, to go sky-diving and her assistant is her best friend Cheyne, 22, who she hired because her "best friend can't work at Starbucks!" Also, one of the Baldwin brothers has "HM" for "Hannah Montana" tattooed on their shoulder because she told one of them, she thinks Stephen, that her biggest fans have tattoos. Does this sound like real life to you?

And here's the cover, in all of its topless, tongue-wagging glory (take note, Biebz):

 

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