The 'Bachelor' Ladies Must Know If Chris Has Pigs

It's a little early in the game for the women on The Bachelor to start worrying about "the right reasons," but it's certainly not too soon for everyone to worry about getting Chris Soules' details right. Is he really a farmer? Can he really not find any women in Iowa? And most importantly (if the Bachelor season premiere is any indication): Does Chris' farm really have pigs?

I'm not joking, ladies and gents. The big question for all these ladies is whether or not Chris turns like oinky, pink cutie pies into pork chops.

It's such a big deal, that two women bank their entire strategy on it. Fertility nurse Whitney is sure she and Chris are going to ride off into the sunset while they talk about inseminating hogs — see, it's the same because she inseminates women for a living, right? She's so certain that this plan will work that she asks Chris during their first real conversation, "Do y'all inseminate hogs?" Chris' answer: "Uh... no." Points for Whitney: 0. Points for the Bachelor producers who convinced her to do that: infinity plus undetermined hours of maniacal cackling.

Then comes Nicole, who's smack dab in the middle of the second half of 30 women (ABC split up the limo reveals to incite jealousy in the contestants and boy, did it work). She walks in wearing a pig nose to be cute and memorable, but all it does is start the chatter between a few jealous looky-loos who all start cooing, "But Chris doesn't even have pigs!" "Wait, I think he does." "No, I thought he said he didn't." What is his deal with pigs? These women need their pork, OK?

Well, Mr. Soules, are you going to answer these women or what? DO YOU OR DON'T YOU RAISE PIGS AT SOULES FARMS?

Here, Chris answers for his crimes against confused viewers everywhere:

Well, I guess that answers that. Chris has pigs. Whatever will the fighty ones fight about now?