I’m not totally sure how to break this to you all gently, so I’ll just go right out and say it: Cheese-flavored syrup at Starbucks might be a thing. A real-life, actual thing. A thing so gross in concept that my tiny little brain almost can’t handle it. Because serious. Cheese-flavored syrup? In a blended Starbucks drink? Blech. So much blech. Let me say it again: BLECH.
According to Daily Coffee News by Roast magazine, the picture seen here made its way onto Reddit a few days ago courtesy of an Australian Redditor posting in the r/Starbucks sub. The post was simply titled, “Got a new syrup in Australia today!” and revealed the somewhat horrifying image currently making the rounds on food and coffee blogs alike. Very little additional information was supplied, but according to the original poster, the questionably flavored syrup is an ingredient in the new Strawberry Cheesecake Frappuccino. As far as I know, this drink is only an official menu item in Australia, so it shouldn’t be confused with the unofficial version you can cobble together with the help of the Starbucks secret menu. Starbucks Australia describes the frap as follows:
“Inspired by one of the world's favourite (and most decadent) desserts, enjoy ice-cold creaminess swirled with our signature strawberry puree and a crunchy layer of cookie crumbles. Top it off with a decadent cheesecake-inspired whipped cream, swirls of strawberry sauce and a few shakes of more cookie crumbles for a tasty summer treat unlike any other. Let your inner child run free, and Say Yes to adventure by the sip.”
Ready to see the picture? Are you suuuuuuuure? Okay, then — don’t say I didn’t warn you:
Not going to lie: In spite of the fact that Strawberry Cheesecake Frappuccino does exist for Australian Starbucks fans, I’m not totally convinced this cheese-flavored syrup isn’t a hoax. It seems sort of weird, no? Cheesecake, after all, doesn’t just use any old kind of cheese to create its trademark creamy deliciousness; it’s usually either mascarpone or sweetened cream cheese, both of which are kind of their own thing. Naming a syrup that mimics the taste of spreadable dessert cheeses something as simplistic as “cheese” just doesn’t quite make sense to me. “Cheese” brings to mind nachos, or pizza, or fine blocks of smoked Gouda — not decadent, super sweet cheesecake.
Maybe that’s just me, though. If it turns out to be real, I will eat my words, and they will probably taste like Cheez Whiz. In the meantime, here’s a list of imaginary Starbucks syrups I hope never become a reality:
1. Taco Syrup
Tacos are as much about the mouthfeel as they are about the actual flavor profile. Liquified tacos? Uh…no thanks.
2. Marshmallow Syrup
Having a sweet tooth is all well and good, but something tells me that a marshmallow-flavored syrup would taste like pure unadulterated sugar. Cue the “OMG my teeth are falling out!!!!” anxiety dreams.
3. Durian Syrup
Unless they can make it smell less unpleasant.
4. Kale Syrup
I will take my kale in its natural form and blended in a smoothie, thank you very much. No syrup required.
5. Buffalo Chicken Syrup
It sounds unthinkable, but after that Buffalo Chicken Donut, all bets are off.
6. Lollipop Syrup
You may as well just use Squeeze Pops. I’m sure they’ll be just as gross.
7. Wine Syrup
This one would probably taste pretty good, actually — but who am I kidding? I’d prefer the wine straight up.