13 Food Items All Humans Need to Hibernate

by Chrissa Hardy

Hibernation needs to become a thing for humans immediately. I mean, why do bears get to have all the fun napping indoors during the miserable cold months, when all we want to do is stock up on food for the winter and never leave the comfy caves we've created for ourselves at home? It gets dark so early, and these temperatures are cold enough to freeze your little button nose off — it's CRAY. So maybe we should just pretend a massive apocalyptic storm is coming and hole up for a set period of time. Plans this weekend? Cancel 'em. Work next week? Call in sick and say you're coming down with the flu, and don't want to spread the germs around.

Even if you can't shirk all the responsibilities and events that force you to leave the house, you can ensure that your time spent at home is as cozy, warm, and delightful as those lucky bears have it. The key to success here is, of course, food. You need to make sure your fridge and cabinets are stocked with a good balance of warm and hearty, sweet and sour, healthy and deliciously junky. Oh, and make sure there are plenty of items of the alcohol variety too (duh). Here are all the foods you need for a stellar hibernation party, even if you're the only guest in attendance.

1. A hefty stock of Nutella

Because... Nutella.

2. Any and all kinds of cheese

Eat it plain, eat it on a sandwich, or melted over pasta — just make sure you have cheese. Lots and lots of cheese.

3. Chicken soup reserves

To battle any cold symptoms, and also to soothe the soul, of course.

4. All the chai tea

The official tea of winter. Not really, but ya know.

5. Honey... on everything

In drinks! On toast! On veggies! In sauces! Honey is the queen bee of kitchen ingredients.

6. Veggies to roast

Roasted veggies are the easiest thing to make (drizzle with olive oil and herbs and bake at 400 degrees until slightly burned), and they last for days.

7. Cauliflower

Cauliflower is the new kale, you guys. Didn't you hear? It's the primo supremo carb substitute and can be made into rice or a potato-like mash. And because it's kind of a plain veggie, it can be thrown into really any dish without completely destroying the taste.

8. Ginger ale, for the flu you are bound to get

Most likely, we'll all have at least one bout of endless vomits, and when you're feeling like you're about to die next to the toilet, there's probably nothing as welcome or as settling as ginger ale. I prefer the flat version when I'm feelin' all flu-zy, but that's just me.

9. An overflowing bucket of potatoes

For when the cauliflower runs out and you refuse to venture out to the store, your fall back will be potatoes. And they will be your everything after eating cauliflower mash, so make sure you have enough to enjoy for multiple eats.

10. A source of protein

Chicken, tofu, beans, or steak with a side of bacon to celebrate your inner Ron Swanson — just make sure you have something to check that nutrition box.

11. Fresh basil

Or whatever your fave fresh herb is. Herbs are the simplest way to spice up a dish without adding a salty or sugary condiment.

12. Easy bake cookie dough

Because having soft cookies on hand will make you smile from the time they come out of the oven until the last cookie is devoured. And at the very least, you can just nosh on the dough itself.

13. Booze

Hibernating might get a little boring, so make sure you have the right ingredients to make your signature adult beverage. Then you can enter your ninth round of Cards Against Humanity with a fresh, yet wonderfully foggy mind.

Image: owlgray/Flickr; Soup/GifSoup, Basil/FirstWeFeast, Giphy (12)