6 Things People Who Live In Brooklyn Could Go Forever Without Hearing Again
You'd think that in 2015 Brooklyn would have matured in people's perceptions, making the deserved, accurate leap from being seen as a faraway outer borough to the part of the bustling metropolis of New York that it is. I mean, Brooklyn is "trendy" (quote from my mom). It's a socially and culturally acceptable place to live. There are lovely apartments, farmer's markets, wonderful places to eat and drink and a wealth of other cultural activities from museums to art galleries to music venues. It's just like Manhattan except less piled on, and with more babies and veganism.
So there are certain stereotypes about Brooklyn that are true. It's more of a family place. There's more "organic living" (whatever that even means, but it's definitely a thing). People who live in Brooklyn, whether they fit those stereotypes or not, are okay with them, because they're true. But there are a lot of other stereotypes that are deeply and wildly exaggerated. Like when people pretend Brooklyn is a million miles away. Never mind that it takes less than 10 minutes to get from Union Square to Bedford Ave. You know what's far? Harlem. Harlem is far. Newark. Or Boston. That's real far. Brooklyn? Not far. Here are six things people from Brooklyn could exist forever without ever hearing again, and be more happy for it.
1. "Sorry, no Brooklyn," says the cabbie as he speeds off down the Westside Highway
Whyyyyy? Why no Brooklyn? I understand that ten years ago, you'd drive a fare to Brooklyn and then have to drive all the way back to Manhattan to get another fare, but there's so much going on in Brooklyn now there's no reason a cab driver can't pick up a second fare right after drop off. I mean, have you seen Williamsburg on the weekends? Everyone from Manhattan comes over and gets stupidly drunk and is too rich to catch the subway so they need cabs to take them back to their apartments on the magical island.
2. "Is that even safe?"
Yeah, Brooklyn is pretty safe. As with Manhattan, sometimes it can be unsafe, but mostly, it's safe. Brooklyn isn't like what you saw in The Warriors. It's a pretty nice place to live, actually.
3. "That's so hipster!"
Okay, so there are a lot of "hipsters" in Brooklyn (but seriously, are we still using that word?). But not everything in Brooklyn is "hipster". Most things are just...things, and then a few other things are a bit hipper than others. But just because someone got coffee at a Brooklyn coffee shop, or drank a locally brewed beer, it doesn't make them a hipster, or their actions hipsterish. It just makes them a person in Brooklyn who consumes things, wears things, and does things. Sorry if the things we have here are generally pretty high quality. It doesn't mean we're all a bunch of pretentiously monsters who won't drink Dunkin Donuts coffee—this is just what kind of stuff we have here, and we all need stuff, so please get off our backs about it.
4. "We should go to Roberta's!"
NO, WE SHOULDN'T. Just because it's in the same borough as where I live it does not mean that I want to go there. Don't treat your Brooklyn friends like an excuse to go check out Roberta's. We hate it when you do that. And for the record, Roberta's sucks. You have to wait five hours to get a table in the waiting area outside which for some reason blares music so loud that you can't have a conversation. And then you get a tiny pizza with three pieces of kale and half a mushroom on it which costs $20 and you're ALWAYS still hungry when you leave.
5. "It must be cheap rent out there."
We're in Brooklyn, not the wild west. We don't squat—we pay rent, and no, it's not always cheap. I mean, if you want to live in an "artist loft" with eight other people in windowless plywood boxes that have been built like cubbies into the middle of the room, then sure, you'll probably end up paying a moderately inexpensive rent, but even that still won't be "cheap". Rent is average-to-expensive, and it's frustrating when non-Brooklynites act like Brooklyn dwellers live some blessed, fantasy life where "cheap rent" grows on trees and we're all just dancing about in our underpants, relishing in the glory of paying less rent than you. Rent in some parts of Brooklyn is the same, and some instances more, than Manhattan too. So don't act like we're from two different worlds.
6. "You're like Miranda when she moves!"
WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP REFERRING EVERYTHING BACK TO SEX AND THE CITY? Get over it, stop trying to make fetch happen, shut it down, etc.
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