And just like that, another dreamy Hollywood bachelor gets taken off the market… for good. As you would expect, word has continued to spread like wildfire over the rather shocking news that Ian Somerhalder and Nikki Reed are officially engaged. I mean… is this real life?!?! First Benedict Cumberbatch and now our favorite CW vampire? How much more is a girl expected to take, people? I've never heard of a nightmare journal before, but if they, in fact, actually do exist, I'm pretty sure this is the living version of mine. Now, I don't mean to deprive the Smolderholder of happiness and true love. I'm just saying that I wish he was experiencing said feelings with someone else… like, oh, I don't know… me?
OK, fine. That may be a slightly unreasonable fantasy of mine. But the point is that this big piece of news is bound to break, stomp, and crush a few hearts out there (you know, other than mine). So I think the most healthy thing to do is talk about, which is why I've provided a complete rundown of the many, many, MANY emotional stages you've probably experienced since learning about this couple's speedy engagement. Just remember, we're all in this together.
At First, Your Brain Couldn't Comprehend What Was Happening
In Fact, You Thought It Must Be a Joke
A terrible, terrible joke.
But Then You Realized This Was For Real
And You Were SHOCKED
Followed Closely By Denial
Which Quickly Escalated to Anger
And Then Full-On Rage
Why Is This Happening?!
Was It Something We Did?
Don't They Realize What This Is Doing to You?
Just So. Many. Feelings.
You Are Leaking Out of What Feels Like Every Orifice
But Then You Calm Down
And Start Plotting Ways to Break Them Up
And When That Doesn't Work, Start Drinking