How To Plan A Bachelorette Party That Doesn't Suck

by Chrissa Hardy

Serving as anyone's maid of honor is like doing a job you're not super qualified to perform — it's a little terrifying. You're so so honored to have been asked, but throwing a bachelorette party is an intense responsibility. Not all brides have the same taste. Actually, none of them do, and yet we have one style of bachelorette party that all brides are supposed to get excited about. But what if your bride hates the typical bachelorette party? What then? Maybe your bride prefers regular food to penis-shaped food, and thinks strippers are skeevy and gross. Well then, as the maid of honor, you need to come up with another way to celebrate her upcoming nuptials.

As an introverted homebody who loves cheese and Netflix more than anything else, I was this bride. I did not want to put on heels and bump into sweaty strangers all night at a club. I didn't understand how all the "classic" bachelorette party elements would make me excited to get married. I knew they wouldn't, because none of that is my scene. And just like a wedding, a bachelor/ette party should really reflect the personal interests and tastes of the people getting married. So my maid of honor found ways to make the party more my style, and bless her heart, she did it brilliantly. If you're planning a bachelorette party for a bride who hates bachelorette parties, here's how to do it right.

1. Ask her for any hard no-nos

If she hates bachelorette parties, ask her for specifics. You wanna make sure these are left out of your plans. If she says, "no strippers," then do not get strippers. Respect those no-nos.

2. Incorporate her interests

Is 30 Rock her favorite show? Create a Liz Lemon quote game. Give her a slanket and set up a station for night cheese. If she likes board games, then do that for a couple hours. Make her a signature cocktail with a name that makes her laugh/feel like the goddess that she is.

3. Blast her dream playlist the whole time

If you're playing only music you know she loves all night long, she will be forced into a good mood. It's inevitable.

4. Make food a major part of it

All humans love food. So make dinner and snacks a must.

5. Avoid all penis-shaped items

When you think of a bachelorette party, gummi-shaped dongs are probably the first thing you picture. That means it's what she thinks of, and since she hates these parties, she probably hates food penises. Stay far, far away from edible peens.

6. Replace the stripper

Do what I did and watch Magic Mike in a hotel room with your ladies while sucking down champagne, because there is no stripper IRL who could compare to the eternal beauty of Channing Tatum's abs. Or skip the naked person and get another performer instead. Hire a magician. Or even better, a Disney-prince/princess impersonator, because getting drunk and asking them serious feminist questions would be a great time.

7. Take her away

No bride wants to get hammered on her "final night of freedom" in a place where she can run into people she knows. Even if you just drive an hour away, it's a road trip and she will love it.

8. Give pajamas as party favors

Because at the end of the night, everyone will put theirs on and it'll turn into the coolest grownup slumber party ever.

9. Keep reminding her that this is HER party

Maybe she's not used to being the center of attention and just wants to make sure the group is having a good time. But the group is there for her, and this party is all about her. Make sure she doesn't forget that.

10. Maintain a positive boozy environment

Maybe keep the wedding talk to a minimum. She's been constantly thinking about seating arrangements and up-do styles and tonight she just wants to cut loose. Don't let her seep into an anxious headspace just as she moves from buzzed to drunk. That will not end well for anyone.

11. Or skip the booze altogether

This doesn't need to be a night that turns into a hangover. Take her to the spa. Do a group sky dive excursion. The only set rule here is for her to have fun. So whatever she considers as the ultimate good time, then just do that.

12. Tell the douchebags to scram

What is it about the costume veil and the "Bride" sash that signals the creeps to approach? This night is not a way for them to score, with her or you or the other bridesmaids. Tell them to maybe take their too-tight button-ups and their suffocating cologne and step the f*ck off.

13. Know when the night needs to end

What's the saying all pro sports coaches use to keep their players from getting arrested? "Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.?" Well, it's true. Don't force the evening into an until-the-break-of-dawn soiree, and call it a night whenever things start to fizzle.

14. A giant post-party breakfast is a must

Pretty much.

Images: The Proposal/Touchstone Pictures; Giphy (14)