There are few things more wonderful than when actors from two of your favorite television shows unite. It's like two of your worlds colliding in the best possible way, you know? That happened to me this week when Lauren Graham and Rainn Wilson were on Late Night With Seth Meyers at the same time on Tuesday night — and they had the best interaction possible. When Wilson explained that he had to shave twice a day to keep up his Dwight Schrute baby face on The Office, Graham stopped him right there. "Oh, my God, please," she said. "Do you know what we go through?" And this exchange got me thinking: What if Gilmore Girls' Lorelai Gilmore met Dwight Schrute and had to explain the struggles of womanhood to him? First of all, it would be awesome. Second of all, I can think of no one better than Lorelai to put Dwight in his place.
Because Graham's right. Shaving your face? That's gotta suck. But when you consider all the places society expects women to be hairless, it's a walk in the park. Shaving, waxing, eyebrow threading, plucking — if I were to decide I didn't want to do it anymore, I would save hours of primping every week and have more time to do important things like watch Netflix and eat pizza.
It's too late for there to be an Office and Gilmore Girls crossover, but if there was? I have a feeling Lorelai would have a few choice words for Dwight.
PMS Is a Real Thing
It's so diminishing when our very real symptoms of PMS, like cramps and mood swings, are written off as "that time of the month" by men anytime we get even a little bit emotional. These are actual, scientifically documented changes happening to our bodies, and Lorelai would probably have to explain to Dwight that we can't just overcome them by the sheer power of will. Dwight's rebuttal?
“I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides.”
Our Clothes Are Way More Expensive
When you're Dwight, you just need a suit, tie, and a short-sleeved yellow button-down shirt. Oh, and shoes. And maybe overalls for your days on Schrute Farm. As far as Lorelai's concerned? Her wardrobe is ridiculously impressive, and it comes at a cost.
The Concept of Beauty Sleep
The idea of waking up and getting ready for your day as a woman is a long and arduous task: wake up, drink coffee, take a shower, potentially blow-dry and/or straighten and/or curl your hair, put on makeup if you wear it... It's a never-ending process, and it's made even harder if you're dealing with bags under your eyes because you didn't sleep well. Dwight would never understand this, especially since I'm pretty sure he never sleeps. And besides, he thinks he has total control over everything his body does.
Being Single Is Way More Difficult as a Woman
Mainly because single women are seen as spinsters and old maids as they get older, and single men are seen as playboys who have yet to settle down. How unfair is that?! This may be the one topic Dwight and Lorelai would probably see eye to eye on, since he isn't the best at dealing with breakups himself.
Our Purses Get Super Heavy From All the Crap We Have to Carry Around
In my bag, I generally have the following: makeup, wallet, phone, phone charger, gum, a protein bar if it's going to be a long day... The list goes on and on. Men are lucky that they just have a wallet they stick in their back pocket and forget about. I can see Dwight wishing he had a purse, though. He would probably just carry homemade stink bombs in it in case of emergencies.
I don't know what it is, but I have never met a guy who realized that spiders are actually terrifying, disgusting, scary little things. And yet I can't bring myself to kill them, because I don't want to inflict pain on them. Do spiders have pain receptors? Maybe I should google it.
That Whole Cat-Calling Struggle
Because no matter where we are, what we're doing, or how we dress, there will always be people (usually men) who think it's okay to jeer at us when we're trying to do mundane things like go to work or run errands. Dwight? He'd totally sympathize. We all saw how he sprang into action when there was a flasher in Dunder Mifflin's parking lot.
As magnificent as breasts can be, they're always there. Sometimes they're heavy. Sometimes they give us back problems. Sometimes people look at them without our permission. Sometimes they make our clothes fit crazy and keep us from buying the swimsuits we want. Sometimes they're even two different sizes, yet bras perform as if everyone's boobs are both identical. And bras. Ugh. They hurt, they squish, they leave angry red lines. Wait, why do we have these suckers again?
Dwight would love having boobs. Mostly because he believes nipples are good to use as an emotional status update.
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