In 1998, the zig-a-zig-ah-tastic girl group that is the Spice Girls released the music video for “Goodbye”, their first sans-Geri Halliwell single. In the video, Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown, Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham, Emma “Baby Spice” Bunton, and Melanie “Sporty Spice” Chisholm cruise through some wintry woods in four different classic cars (the video never explains why they chose to not carpool). A pack of white wolves follows the vehicles. The Spices’ destination: a castle. And not just any castle, but a castle inhabited by literal frozen people. The Spice Girls use their Girl Power to defrost the frozen people. Chillarity ensues.
What moved me to revisit this particular music video on this particular afternoon? Well, it happens to be a frigid day (I know it is no where near as bad here in L.A. as it is on the East Coast, but it is raining and I have a cold so let me have this), and I wanted to watch/listen to something that matched the weather outside. I required something icy. Something cold. Something wintry. "Goodbye" fit the bill to a T.
Here are the coldest, strangest, scariest, and most gorgeous things that happen in the "Goodbye" music video:
Why do the snow wolves chase the Spice Girls? My guess: They can sense the Spice Girls' ability to take down the ice castle and they're excited to witness a bunch of people popsicles melt firsthand.
Scary Spice’s snow cap
Is it practical? Maybe. More importantly, it looks awesome.
The dry ice clouds
If I walked into a castle and saw that the ground was covered in dry ice, I'd be like, "LET'S GET OUTTA HERE." Alas, I am not a brave and valiant Spice Girl.
Serving the judges Jack Dawson realness.
Are they alive?!?!
ANOTHER HUMAN POPSICLE
OK, this is getting creepy.
The indoor snowfall
The call, er, snowfall is coming from inside the house.
All frozen everything
That icicle bed looks so BeAuTiFuL.
Scary Spice spins the record right round, right round.
Oh, just a frozen person lounging in a frozen bathtub
The exploding chandelier
Wait, what's happening?
The chandelier shards floating gracefully to the ground
Mel C. doesn't flinch.
A bunch of toilet paper rolls fall from the rafters
T.P.? Really? Well, well, well. Looks like the ice castle is a bit of prankster.
Plates rain down upon Scary Spice
She's not worried about the plates hitting her head. She knows the plates are no match for Girl Power.
Posh Spice lounges as a bunch of sheets of paper swirl around her
And she uses Girl Power to prevent any and all paper cuts.
Scary Spice's mad hot ensemble
No offense to the other Spice Girls, but Mel B. looks DIVINE in this video.
Another chandelier explodes
I hope the homeowner insured those light fixtures.
The popsicle people begin to melt
Moment of truth: Are they dead or alive?
The popsicle people begin to stir
The popsicle people dance and smile
SO VERY ALIVE!!!!!
After melting the popsicle people and destroying the castle’s valuables, the Spice Girls leave
The dry ice cloud reappears after the Spice Girls leave
Oh. OK. So... How long before the people turn back into popsicles? Do the Spice Girls have to return once a week to defrost the popsicle people? Is this their responsibility until the end of time? Yeesh. That must get exhausting.
Images: emimusic/YouTube (23)