The first time I went to Florida, I was convinced that I would have to be prepared for an alligator attack at any moment. I literally got off the plane and eyed the baggage carousel as if it were in the middle of a giant, gator-infested swamp, and in my mind's eye, I kept imagining how badass it would be if I sucker-punched a giant reptile in the nose. These were only scenarios I concocted in my imagination. If I really had wanted to be prepared, I should've talked to this guy who found a new species of animal chilling out on his tile floors. Alligators aren't the only threat!
This beast is a glorious tribute to evolution if there ever was one. You will look into its eyes and see your soul reflected in them. Is it menacing? Is it friendly? Do you care? You are captivated by them, so full of ancient wisdom, earthly knowledge, something more enduring and powerful than time itself and—
Oh. Ha. OK, Funny story: Upon further scrutiny, I have come to realize that this is, in fact, an upside down dog that quite possibly rolled around in googly eyes and fell asleep (or, more likely, had the googly eyes placed upon it by its owner, although I love the idea that the googly eyes just somehow ended up there). I would like to say, in my defense, that this is the first time I have ever seen an upside down dog with googly eyes, and also that I am a little bit drunk on cheese because blizzard. I am only a little bit embarrassed about the fear and awe that this animal instilled in my heart, but not so much that you shouldn't watch this video of it and relive the magic for yourself: