Unmistakable onfusion took hold of many Marvel fans when 20th Century Fox announced it'd be rebooting its Fantastic Four film franchise, and with good reason: The studio had once before brought the long-celebrated Marvel comic to screen in 2005 with a film starring Jessica Alba and Chris Evans, inundating the world over with sighs of exasperation. (Simply put, it was not what one might call a "good" movie.)
Still, though, it's happening: Ten years later, Fox is revamping its take on Fantastic Four entirely, churning out a new movie with a new cast, new canon, and new ambiance. If you caught the teaser trailer for the forthcoming Fantastic Four, you know that this thing is as bleak as Christopher Nolan's nightmares.
But just how different will the new Fantastic Four be from its wacky, wily 2005 predecessor? After all, the two films do follow the same mythology, and work with the same characters. Can director Josh Trank really distance his stab at the property enough from its maligned predecessor, even while working within the margins of the same story?
Taking a look at the first teasers for both Fantastic Four movies, we hope to find our answer (otherwise we just wasted a dreadful two-and-a-half minutes).
We are ushered into the story...
In the 2015 trailer: ...by a grim, omnipotent voice who is painting a dire picture as we sweep over New York City.
In the 2005 trailer: ...by a series of low-budget title cards, riddled with puns on the word "four."
We meet our heroes. First, Reed Richards...
In the 2015 trailer: He's a wide-eyed young buck wandering waifishly through some high-tech facility.
In the 2005 trailer: He's the shouting officer from Titanic.
Next, Sue Storm...
In the 2015 trailer: She's an eyes-on-the-prize workaholic who Kevin Spacey once pushed in front of a subway train.
In the 2005 trailer: She has some pretty serious business going on with that hair.
Then, Johnny Storm...
In the 2015 trailer: He's a hot dude fixing a car.
In the 2005 trailer: He's not fixing anything, regardless of physical appeal.
Finally, Ben Grimm...
In the 2015 trailer: He's a lip-gritting runt who promised Peggy Sue he'd hit one right outta the park just for her, honest.
In the 2005 trailer: He could pulverize that kid with his non-dominant hand.
These four heroes-in-the-making set out on a mission...
In the 2015 trailer: This involves some futuristic TARS-like technology.
In the 2005 trailer: ...it's a lot more colorful!
In the 2015 trailer: It utilizes computers that look kind of like the game Warlight.
In the 2005 trailer: They more like the inter-level menu from Star Fox.
And thus, heroes are born anew! Introducing Mr. Fantastic...
In the 2015 trailer: He's a grimacing soldier who uses powers of elasticity to fend for survival.
In the 2005 trailer: He can now catch far-away stuff before it breaks! Talk about convenient.
The Invisible Woman and The Human Torch...
In the 2015 trailer: They are prisoners to their perilous new forms, unable to contain the explosive material that has taken hold of their genetic coding, weeping desperately for some relief from the elements within...
In the 2005 trailer: They could make some ample side cash as lounge entertainers.
And The Thing...
In the 2015 trailer: He's the most tragic character of them all. No longer a man, but a tirade of destruction, waging war not only on the world around him, but on the flickering remnants of his own soul.
In the 2005 trailer: He's a guy who has no reverence for the demanding schedules of New York City's firefighters.
Of course, things go awry...
In the 2015 trailer: This manifests as a virtual hell scape that threatens the very lives of our heroes, and perhaps, our species on the whole.
In the 2005 trailer: It involves an astronaut jumping, which is kind of funny to see.
Naturally, there's a bad guy.
In the 2015 trailer: It's a blogger in a body cast.
In the 2005 trailer: It's a parking lot creeper with an electric hand.
And above all, there's heart.
In the 2015 trailer: This means grief, loss, dejection, having to face your own mortality, to live without the ones you love the most, to understand the abject heartlessness of whoever it is that strings our fates along.
In the 2005 trailer: Hellooo...
So there you have it, folks. That's the Fantastic Four.
In the 2015 trailer: A dark, introspective allegory about the omnipresence of evil as it rests in the global institution, and the one plausible defeat thereof existing in the liberation of your own life, attachments, and even humanity...
In the 2005 trailer: Oh, neat, they all have matching jumpsuits!
If we could just do Johnny Storm one more time...
In the 2015 trailer: Okay...
In the 2005 trailer: ...Okay.
Images: 20th Century Fox (32)