9 Things Every Grown-Ass Woman Should Know About Masturbation

For whatever reason — Sexism! Patriarchy! Fear of Female Sexuality! Take your pick! — our society takes a very different stance on male masturbation vs. female masturbation. With men, self-love is most often regarded with a hair ruffle, shoulder punch combo — boys will be boys! But women get a different response. Women who enjoy and partake in masturbation are too often burdened with culturally-imposed, totally senseless shame. They're seen as sex-obsessed or unable to "find a man" (at least, not one who's man enough to stave off any pesky sexual inclinations she may experience when he isn't even there). For whatever reason, female masturbation remains taboo... but we're way past that, right? At this point, we know the "taboo" exists, but increasingly few women give a damn.

Regardless of whether or not you have a sexual partner (or many, even), it kinda doesn't even matter. It's your life, y'know? They're your jollies and you alone are allowed to deal with them whenever and however you want. In case you still need a few hard facts to shake you free of the arbitrary and erroneous ideas you've been taught to believe about female masturbation, here are some things every grown-ass woman should know about getting herself off:

Most women do it

While it's still abundantly clear, according to both pop culture and research, that men masturbate more than women, masturbation is pretty common across the board. Over 50 percent of women between ages 18 and 59 spend some amount of time "auditioning finger puppets." (Sorry, that'll be my one and only attempt to diversify the term "masturbate" in this story. It's done, it's over. You can uncover your eyes now.) Of course, exact frequency depended on age ranges, but still — nearly everyone is doing it. 

It also doesn't (necessarily) mean your partner is inadequate

As it turns out, masturbation and sex are really quite different. I know! Outrageous! Both are appealing for different reasons and yield different kinds of satisfaction. It doesn't mean anyone is effing up when it comes to getting down — it's just scratching a different kind of itch. The real thing to focus on here: If you have a partner who is so self-conscious that they find your masturbation threatening, maybe spend some time addressing their insecurity, as opposed to feeling guilty for your actions. Your body, your choice what to do with that — always. If anyone is trying to get down on you for getting down with yourself, it's almost assuredly their issue.

Also, masturbation with your significant other is hot and fun. No one ever said masturbation has to be a solo activity. 

It is good for both your body and your brain

You know what releases endorphins and is a helluva lot more fun than hopping on the elliptical? Yeah, girl. You know. Besides pumping up those mood-boosting chemicals, masturbation stimulates blood flowJust tell your roommate you can't go do whatever dumb thing they want you to do because you have to "work out." It's almost not a lie!

It's an effective stress-reliever

Holistic stress relief is an incredible concept! Especially (again) when it doesn't involve hitting the gym or actual sweating (ew). Among other obvious Good Ideas like sleeping and laughing more, a little masturbation (or a lot!) is a decidedly healthy addition to your stress management routine. 

It can help prevent a lot of scary health issues

This all boils down to the power of the orgasm: Science shows that women who experience orgasms frequently are less likely to develop depression, insomnia, and cervical infections. Sleep better, be happier — yep, sounds good to me.

It can help reduce all kinds of cravings

Apparently getting off can deter sugar and caffeine cravings. Obviously you can't swap your morning latte with a quick masturbation sesh at the office, but maybe wake up a little earlier? Yeah, wake up earlier! It might not entirely take the place of your morning bagel and coffee, but it'll damn sure give you an early boost to make it to the coffee shop. (Hey, that can be really hard some days!)

It helps you learn your body

Bodies are infinitely complex, extraordinary machines. How well do you know yours? It's fun and kinda cool to discovery little tricks to get yourself off. It's info you collect that can benefit you and future partners. How are you going to know how to tell someone else to please you sexually if you haven't done the, ahem, leg work to figure it out for yourself. Masturbation is an educational endeavor, really. That said...

It can really amp up the level of awesome in your sex life

It's really simple: Women who masturbate have more fulfilling sex lives with partners too. If you know what you like, you can tell your partner. Sure, they want to get their kicks too, but any partner worth your time will be someone who is deeply (heh) interested in what makes you happy. Working together to achieve billions of orgasms for everyone is the part of the fun of sex in general, right?

Vibrators don't have to be that expensive

Going battery-free is absolutely one option. A lot of women never use toys of any kind, especially when they're alone and want to have a quick "get in and get out" masturbation sesh. However, many of us need a bit of help reaching climax when going about it solo. Vibrators are kinda like alcohol: You could go all baller and snag a case of Dom Perignon, or you could be more reasonable and collect a few bottles of Yellowtail Bubbles. NOTHING WRONG WITH YELLOWTAIL, YOU GUYS. STILL GONNA GET YOU GOOOOOOD AND DRUNK. Basically, pay as much or as little as you want—at the end of the day, if all goes according to plan, you're still going to get what you want. For starters, Babeland offers a really great beginner vibe for about $15. (If you're working with a bigger budget, may I suggest this bad boy?) 

In closing:

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PREACH, BB.

Images: AlexVan/Pixabay; Giphy (9)

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