Entertainment
'Vanderpump Rules' Cast Celeb Doppelgangers, In Case They Ever Make My Dream Of a Vanderpump Movie a Reality
One hour of Vanderpump Rules drama per week is simply not enough: Since Lisa Vanderpump’s ragtag group of actor/servers, musician/busboys, and model/bartenders came into my life, I can’t be satisfied. I pray, I pine, I perish for more time with the staff of SUR, which got me thinking: who'd play the Vanderpump Rules cast if there was a Vanderpump Rules movie? Two-and-a-half hours of Lisa, Katie, Tom(s), Jax, Stassi, and the whole gang, ready and waiting to explode into delicious drama. What Vanderpump fan wouldn’t watch that? I’d go to a midnight showing with a bottle of Vanderpump vodka strapped to my body.
Before Vanderpump fans can see a movie, we need to (dream) cast the movie. Obviously, the show takes place in Los Angeles, a city in which actors are not even a dime a dozen — they’re a nickel. Everyone at SUR is already so beautiful, so how do you choose celebrities who are even more beautiful to portray them on the big screen? Over many hours of tireless image searching, IMDB browsing, and gawking at hot men (it’s a tough job, but someone has to do it), I’ve collected a list of the celebrities that are just perfect for a Vanderpump Rules dream casting. Got your popcorn ready?
Image: Tommy Garcia/Bravo
Kristen Doute
Someone who can capture Kristen’s fervor…
Image: Tommy Garcia/Bravo
Natalie Portman
With perfect eyebrows and delicate features, Natalie Portman is a ringer for SUR server Kristen Doute. Audiences have also seen her dark side via Black Swan, which is important for Portman to properly channel the levels of crazy that Kristen reaches on a regular basis.
Tom Schwartz
Tom Schwartz’s rogue good looks could have a little bit of a dark side to them, couldn’t they?
Image: Tommy Garcia/Bravo
Jamie Dornan
That’s why Fifty Shades of Grey’s Northern Irish actor Jamie Dornan, is a great fit to play Schwartz. They also boast the same sexy stubble.
Stassi Schroeder
Who could take on this Queen Bee?
Image: Tommy Garcia/Bravo
Amanda Seyfried
With big, cerulean-hued eyes and flaxen blonde hair, Amanda Seyfried would make a lovely Stassi. A bonus? She has plenty of experience with Mean Girl s, so Seyfried would know how to channel Stassi’s less-than-flattering dictatorial moments.
Jax Taylor
Jax is basically as aesthetically perfect as he can get (especially now that he got that “deviated septum” fixed), so what Hollywood hard-body could live up to the original?
Image: Tommy Garcia/Bravo
Liam Hemsworth
Though Jax sports rugged, Clive Owen-esque good looks, Owen may be a little old to play one of SUR’s resident bartenders. So who won out? Chris Hemsworth. The Thor star boasts the manly good looks and built physique of Jax: He just needs a little hair dye to complete his casting.
Tom Sandoval
Model/actor/spray tan enthusiast Tom Sandoval gives me serious Josh Hartnett vibes with his strong chin and bushy eyebrows, but since he really doesn’t act anymore (I’ll miss you, Harnett a la Wicker Park) I’m leaning more towards…
Image: Tommy Garcia/Bravo
Sam Clafin
… The Hunger Games: Catching Fire’s Sam Clafin, who sports Tom’s chiseled features and impish grin on the daily.
Katie Maloney
Katie always seemed like the innocent ingénue of Vanderpump Rules. She’s a little wide-eyed, a little too trusting (especially of BFF Stassi and BF Schwartz) so I thought of the perfect person to play her…
Image: Tommy Garcia/Bravo
Rachel McAdams
Rachel McAdams! McAdams has also dyed her hair for like, every role she’s played, so you know she’s game for Katie’s blonde-to-dark-brown hair changes.
Vail Bloom
Vail is already an Emmy-nominated actress (which is the closest that any of the Vanderpump stars will get to actual, real-life stardom), so I went with…
Vail Bloom
Vail playing Vail. She’s the only one with her head on straight out of the whole crew, so if we’re granting wishes, let’s give her a big break.
Lisa Vanderpump
Lisa is bossy, sultry, and always in charge, making this actress a shoo-in…
Image: Tommy Garcia/Bravo
Gina Gershon
Sexy Gina Gershon: Her Showgirls character would have made a great Real Housewife of Las Vegas. She’s also age-appropriate, which is a hard thing to find in Hollywood, where women are pushed off a cliff after their 38th birthdays.
Ariana Madix
This one was easy…
Image: Tommy Garcia/Bravo
Annasophia Robb
Annasophia Robb’s light eyes, blonde hair, and flawless complexion scream Ariana Madix to me. Let’s just hope that Robb’s boyfriends aren’t as sketchy as Ariana’s.
Scheana Marie Shay
Scheana Marie is the good girl on Vanderpump Rules: She’s always trying to get along with everyone, and she wears a lot of high-waisted pants and headbands, and that means…
Image: Tommy Garcia/Bravo
Jessica Simpson
… that her long, flowing locks and curvy physique give off serious Jessica Simpson vibes. Simpson is a singer, too, so it’s a perfect match.
James Kennedy
Naturally, we need a Brit for James…
Ben Whishaw
… because someone like sensational actor Ben Whishaw already has James’ native accent, so we wouldn’t have to suffer through an American with a bad English one. Whishaw is also amazingly talented and would be a great foil to Kristen’s antics.
Peter Madrigal
For Peter, we need a lover and a fighter…
Rodrigo Santoro
… like Brazilian actor Rodrigo Santoro, who has proven himself as a skilled thespian, taking on roles in movies like Love Actually, 300, and Che.
