Sending Your Enemies Glitter Is So Last Week: The New Revenge Is Shipping Them Nothing At All
Having a mortal enemy (or a friend who you do faux battle with as if they were your mortal enemy) can be exhausting. How are you to be expected to continually come up with evil plots to ruin their day? It's a lot of work! You have a job! Don't worry, you're not alone. We all maybe played our best hand too soon by sending glitter to our enemies. It felt like there was nothing we could do to top that, and really, there wasn't—at least until now. What's the only thing more devastating than shipping glitter? Shipping your enemies an empty box full of nothing at all. Enjoy the existential crisis, pal!
Just think for a second about how much that would screw with a person's head: There's the obvious level of disappointment, of course, because inside of all of us is a 7-year-old who tears open every package with tremendous expectation. An empty box is a kick in the soul to that 7-year-old. But then there's the extra kick into a self-esteem shame spiral when your enemy realizes, beyond sending them something annoying like glitter, you've just sent them...nothing. Is there a lower insult?
The possible channels of empty box-induced torment don't end there: Conspiracy theorists will be driven mad; people will be consumed with the fear that something wondrous and amazing was stolen out of the envelope, and their destinies forever altered by it; if you're lucky enough, within three days of sending this empty package, the receiver will lose their mind. It's a perpetually-peeling onion of terror.
You can choose between two options: a "little nothing," which is an envelope at $3.99, or a "whole lot of nothing," which is an entire empty mailer for $8.99. They'll even lovingly hand address it so it looks personal and super important. And judging by the insane draw of the glam revenge that is glitter shipping, this is going to take off in an even more twisted and nefarious way.
Happy Monday! Have fun haunting your enemy's dreams!
Images: Getty Images; Giphy