“Women do not have sexual fantasies, period. Men do.” That obviously ridiculous statement came from a 1973 article in Cosmo, because, at the time, the thought was that women were, oh, I don’t know, not human. But that same year, writer Nancy Friday released her book My Secret Garden, a collection of real women’s fantasies, and finally, the door was swung right the eff open to the reality that women sexually fantasize just as much as men.
Yes, having sexual fantasies, whether you want to act them out or not, is completely natural and healthy — though a 2014 study out of Quebec found that when it comes to sexual fantasies, not all women actually have a desire to act them out. Perhaps that's why they’re called fantasies.
By averaging numerous studies, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, and what sex therapists have found in their work, we've narrowed down a list of the top six things women are fantasizing about these days. But it should be noted that depending on the study, the most common sexual fantasies for women fluctuate in their position on the list. (Each focus group in these studies has a different demographic, location, and overall approach to how they get that information, so we're averaging here.)
If you’ve been wondering if your sexual fantasy is common or not, then here’s your chance to see what the majority of your female friends are into. And remember: while some fantasies are more common than not, if yours doesn't make the list below, don't think that makes you some sort of weirdo. You just march to the beat of your own drum, as they say, and that’s totally hot.
#6: Being Masturbated
According to the 2014 Quebec study, "being masturbated by my partner," and "masturbating my partner," come in around 72 percent and 68 percent, respectively. The Journal of Sexual Medicine has also found that "being masturbated by a stranger or acquaintance," is fantasized about quite often. (Although the term "masturbation" means to stimulate one's own genitals, in these cases it means to stimulate the genitals of someone else too, which, I think would technically be giving a handjob or, one of my favorite terms, fingerbanging ... but I digress.)
#5: Having A Threesome
Although threesomes are all too often thought of as something only men fantasize about, as sex therapist Dr. Susan Block writes, "Women are catching up as it becomes more acceptable for us to admit we'd like to be with two hot men at once, or perhaps a man and another woman." Women like to fantasize about either being the center of attention in these fantasies, or being one of two people concentrating on a third. (Which, um, are the two options.)
#4: Being Dominated
I know, I know. You'd never have guessed at this point that a woman would want to be sexually ravaged and dominated in her fantasies, but it's true.
While studies have found that, on average, somewhere between 60 and 70 percent of women fantasize about being dominated, The Journal of Sexual Medicine broke that down even further into particular domination acts: Just over 50 percent of women fantasize about being tied up, while 36.3 percent enjoy the idea of being spanked or whipped. And when it comes to really intense domination, as in fantasies that cross over into rape fantasy territory, about 28 percent like the idea (emphasis on idea) of being forced to have sex, which, of course, is totally healthy.
#3: Sex With A Stranger
Whether you're in a relationship, rolling solo, or are somewhere in that "it's complicated" range, it's totally normal to fantasize about having a no-strings-attached situation with someone you've never met before — and will never see again.
#2: Having Sex In A Public Place
Who doesn't love the thrill of possibly getting caught while you're mid-getting it on? Along with "sex in an unusual place," sex in a public place always makes the cut when it comes to common women's sexual fantasies. Some women crave the idea of being an exhibitionist and get off on the idea of being watched by one or more people.
#1: Passionate, Romantic Sex (In An Equally Romantic Place)
Bet you didn't expect something this vanilla to come out on top, did you?
The study in Quebec, which was of women between the ages of 20 and 40, found that roughly 85 percent of women fantasize about having sex in a “romantic location,” and sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman has found that there’s a need for a “knight in shining armor,” so to speak, who seduces and romances. On a whole, according to the Kinsey Institute, women's sexual fantasies tend to be more romantic and involve more emotion than the fantasies guys are having.
Because, fairytales, probably.
Images: Universal Pictures; Giphy(6)