Conversation hearts, the tiny colorful Valentine's Day candy that floods drugstores every February, are not exactly my favorite treat in the world. Made up of mostly sugar, corn syrup, and food coloring, somehow they have become a universal symbol for Valentine's Day.
Though the candies are sweet, both literally and figuratively, sporting phrases like "Be Mine," "Love You," and my personal favorite, "Fax Me," they are enjoyed by almost no one, yet people across the country still buy them for the holiday.
I like to imagine these sweets will stand the test of time, never to decompose. Generations from now, when aliens stop by Earth, they will see only boxes full of fries and these tiny candies littering the planet. Aliens will think we ate only thinly sliced potatoes and communicated exclusively through heart-shaped sugar. Conversation hearts will be our legacy, people.
So what should we do with all of this candy? Obviously we can't eat it all. Here are seven ways to get rid of Valentine's Day candy hearts, besides eating your way out.
1. Use them to send an office note
Memos are boring, but they don't have to be! An easy way to get these hearts off your hands is to make a much more festive note. It'll be just like exchanging Valentine's cards in elementary school but slightly more grown up. Tell Brad in accounting to "Fax Me," or that he's a "Cutie Pie."
2. Sprinkle them in a trail
Now you can explore freely and without a GPS. If you drop these candies behind you as you walk through the woods, you can easily explore and find your way out before dark. The best part is that these are so gross it's unlikely an animal will eat the trail before you need to find your way back. If only Hansel and Gretel had thought of this.
3. Give them to your enemies
It's like the saying goes, keep your friends close, and your enemies hopped up on sugar. Give these candies to the people you hate most in a way that both punishes them with the flavor, and makes amends with the kind messages.
4. Ground them into a fine dust
This dust can be thrown in the face of an assailant, or used as a sugar alternative in your coffee or tea.
5. Give a gingerbread man a heart transplant
Play doctor by giving a gingerbread man with a congenital heart condition a successful heart transplant. You'll be doing something kind and giving back to the candy community.
6. Trade them for any other candy
Trade an unsuspecting friend for their delicious candy in exchange for a box full of these hearts.
7. Throw them in the trash
Take your box of hearts, and walk to the nearest trash receptacle. Once at the receptacle, place the candy inside of it and walk away. Never look back.
Image: Flare/Flickr; Giphy