'Fifty Shades of Grey' In IMAX Is Happening Because Size Really Does Matter

Are you sitting down? As if you weren't excited enough already for the Valentine's Day release of the international sexy phenomenon Fifty Shades of Grey on the big screen, you're in for an even bigger surprise. According to The Wrap , the Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson steamy romance is going to be available in IMAX. You know how the old saying goes, the bigger the screen, the bigger Jamie Dornan's HARDWARE (see what I did there?) appears on said screen. Objects on the screen may appear closer (and bigger) than they actually are...but who cares? I can only hope that this excellent choice will sell like wild and it'll convince the good, kind folks working on Magic Mike XXL to do the same.

What's even more (intellectually) titillating about this news is that IMAX releases are often reserved for kids movies and action films. Very rarely are female-targeted films, let alone one that so strongly focuses on a woman's sexual awakening, given such a big to-do. If the book's sales tell us anything, it's that Fifty Shades of Grey will have no problem blowing the roof off of the box office, and the minds of its fans. There will be 75 IMAX screens nationwide that will be screening the movie and I can almost guarantee those seats will be filled again and again and again and again and AGAIN.

Now that we're all hot and bothered thinking about the massive kinkfest that's about to be bestowed upon us, here are some overly cheesy IMAX taglines to really drive the point home:

  • "Size Does Matter"
  • "It's a Big Deal"
  • "Christian Grey is Large and In Charge"
  • " Get ready to cl-IMAX"
  • "Not Yet Available in 3-D"
  • "It's Going to be Huge"
  • "Penis Euphemism"

You're welcome.