Valentine's Day is fast approaching, and while you may be celebrating by going to a crowded Melting Pot to eat lukewarm fondue or waiting in an hour-long line to see Fifty Shades of Grey, celebrities are showering each other in diamonds — literally. They love to buy each other's love, which is an aspect of celebrity life that I am super jealous of. How are your faves celebrating this year? I like to imagine that one of the great couples of our time, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, are going to have a great Valentine's Day because they are incredible at the art of gift-giving.
We know how much Kanye loves Kanye, but he also loves Kim a whole hell of a lot. I'm sure they're both great at gifting, but obviously, Kanye outperforms Kim in the present department. He's already proved in the past that he knows exactly what to get for the Kardashian who already has everything.
Here's how I hope Kanye is showering celebrating in this V-Day. (You can even eat a meal like the Wests, if you want). I also like to imagine Kimye going on a Valentine's Day double date with Bey and Jay while Rihanna babysits Blue Ivy and North, but that's a different story.
The Brooklyn Botanical Garden
Kanye is a sensitive soul, no matter how worked up he gets in public. He truly loves to surround Kim with flowers. Last Valentine's Day he sent Kim one thousand red roses. (What's the total square footage this would take up?) And, of course, at their wedding, the Wests had an entire wall of beautiful flowers. Why not take the flora game up a notch and just buy the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens for her? That way he won't have to pay extra for the vases.
A $432,000 Bag
For her 34th birthday in October 2014, Kanye gave Kim an extremely pricey doodle from North, not to stick on the fridge but to wear on her arm. North West painted a Hermes Birkin bag to personalize it for Kim's birthday. A video captured the baby artist's process, and Kim thought it was fine art: "I thought it was an artist that painted the purse, some custom thing. I thought it was some new artist, and it was my daughter. It was amazing and I have it all on video."
But that's not the only custom Hermes Kanye has gifted his wife. He also gave her a Birkin for Christmas, painted by artist George Condo. So why not keep up the theme? He could go whole hog this year and buy Kim the most expensive bag of all time: the $432,000 Hermes Himalayan Birkin, made of croc skin and covered in white gold and diamonds. And maybe this time North West could practice her scissor-skills on the bag.
An Insanely Pricey Diamond
Yeezy loves big bling and he loves Kim to shine bright on 'em, too. Don't lie. You know exactly what her massive engagement ring looks like. And remember when 'Ye wore this INSANE Egyptian-style chain at the 2010 BET Awards? But how could Kanye up the glitter and gold this V-Day for Kim? Luckily there's the perfect, freakishly flawless heart-shaped diamond that Christie's revealed on Valentine's Day of 2011. It's a heart-shaped diamond named "Love At First Sight," and costs anywhere between $9 billion and $12 billion at over 56 carats. It could quite literally blind Kim with love.
A Horse From "The Bound 2" Video
Why not? They're magnificent. And Nori will probably want a pony at some point, so this is just killing two birds with one stone.
A Very Appropriate Greeting Card
Maybe Kanye was too busy loving Kanye and forgot to get Kim a gift, but he can save a little face by picking up one of these Kanye-themed Valentine's Day cards from illustrator Oli Holmes. They're all good choices, but this one featuring Kanye's smile and puppies is too precious.
Isn't Yeezy a gift in and of himself? I'm sure he thinks so.