Online Dating Concierge Mervyn Bunter Will Swipe Right and Left So You Don't Have To — If You're Willing to Pay $2,000

If you find yourself completely stumped by interactions on Hinge and eHarmony, pining for a soul mate, and swimming in cash, then boy, do we have good news for you. Mervyn Bunter, online dating concierge, is a new NYC-based venture promising to alleviate all of your love life woes. There's just one catch: It'll cost you $2,000 a month. Chump change, it is not.

The brainchild of Anthony Recenello, dating coach and “real-life Hitch,” Mervyn Bunter is marketing itself as a service for those who don’t have the time to spend flirting through a tiny screen or don’t want to go an anymore lackluster dates. Recenello’s team of six female employees will scour online dating platforms for you, and apparently spend 10 hours a week messaging potential matches. Singing up for the service also means that you will have access to a stylist, groomer, and monthly dating tips. Mervyn Bunter will take new, professional photos for your profile, as well as write its content. And when your snazzy new look gets you a date, the team of concierges will plan a special, personalized evening. For those who are nervous daters, you will even have the opportunity to go on a "test date" and be coached on proper, date-worthy behavior.

Now, even if this all sounds like it’s worth more than a month’s worth of rent to you, Recenello claims that not just anybody can join. Mervyn Bunter performs background checks on all their potential clients and meets them for a preliminary interview. However, Recenello also admits that “everyone” will pass the background checks, so this whole screening process is likely just a façade to seem exclusive. I'll be honest, though: It sounds to me kind of like you could give your phone to your 12-year-old cousin and they would probably be able to find you compatible matches just as well as a pricey service. The sub-concierges may be spending hours swiping away, but they aren't actually meeting the potential matches face to face; nor do they have to make a big effort to go out and find singles looking to be coupled off. What you are really getting from this service is a change to bypass the awkward back and forth of getting to know the other person to decide if you want to meet up — rather, your first interaction will be face to face.

While I'm going to take a hard pass on spending two grand for this service, I can think of a few other concierge services that I'd actually really enjoy using. Here are a few ideas that I would rather spend my money on:

1. A concierge that organizes and keeps track of your expenses.

Sometimes, it’s just too hard to keep track of which bill is due when.

2. A concierge that waits in line for you, especially in NYC.

Waiting in the line at Trader Joe's can be soul sucking. Also waiting outside of a bar to get in when it’s freezing cold out — yeah, I’d love to outsource that.

3. A concierge to pick up food for you when the Seamless limit is too high.

Sometimes all you want is a side of fries, thank you very much.

4. A concierge to hit on bar hotties for us.

This way we can save face, but also holla at the cuties. Think of it as a professional wingwoman or man.

5. A concierge to make sure that we are getting our shit done instead of watching Netflix.

It’s just way too easy to lose six hours of the day to that beautiful subscription service.

Just some thoughts!

Image: Witt Istanbul Suites/Flickr; Giphy (3)