We’ve all been there. Twenty seconds into a first date and all that’s running through your mind is, “No thanks — check, please!” But in these modern days of dating, time is scarce. From remembering your hundred online passwords to doing the laundry so you're not forced to wear bathing suit bottoms as underwear to work (again) — NO ONE has time to waste. That means the best road to efficiency is learning how to fully optimize every moment...even when those moments are spent across the table from a guy who can't stop talking about his achievements in World of Warcraft. Maybe you initially thought, in flirty emails or witty text banter, that this person could’ve been The One. And while he or she might not be, they are still a person — a person with hidden talents and knowledge and interests that can enlighten your life in one way or another. So instead of considering those bad dates a waste of good time, we encourage you to optimize each of those less-than-thrilling events and subpar partners by turning them into learning experiences and opportunities for a little enrichment. It's doable, we swear.
The concept of Bad Date Great Story evolved from our hilarious dating stories that we regaled each other with at a local pub and decided to create a blog to keep track of, to a website where people all over the world submit their funny bad date stories. Now it's also a regular show, four years running in downtown New York. At the Bad Date Great Story show, rising comedians, writers, and regular people who've survived the dating jungle come to tell all. From all of this grassroots research, we've heard EVERYTHING and just for you we've gleaned some magical lessons to help you extract the very best parts from a very bad date...
1. The Human Zagat
Example: Anthony Devito used to lie to women about what he did for a living, until one of them took an extreme interest in his knowledge and led him down the road of the most hilarious date conversation we've ever heard:
2. The Wizard of Oz
Example: Sydnee Washington lusted after a sexy model for months, but when they finally went out, it was NOTHING like she expected:
3. The Teacher
So you're on the date, you stare into each others eyes, and you both feel...nada. All is not lost! Find his/her field of knowledge and learn something. 401K — wait to get one until you see your first gray hair and freak out that death is upon you, or sign up? How long do you really need to cook fish for? This person is good at at least one thing that could help your grownup self out. Use this time to grow that place in your brain where you keep the theme song to Full House, and when you meet your friends for drinks the minute this date is over, you can do so a little wiser.
4. The Swap Meet Date
Example: Marie Faustin's nicknames her dates, which makes it MUCH easier for friends to understand their true strengths and weaknesses:
5. The Entertainer
Some of our favorite bad dates are the kind that feel like a
one-man/woman show, and the title of that performance is "This Is Why I'm
Single." Listen, theater tickets are expensive, so why wait in line for
the rush performance of Cabaret when, for the small price of a drink and your
dignity, you can watch your date sing and dance for your affection?
Example: Ayanna Dookie finally met the one worth traveling for. But after their agenda-planned weekend, she learned that her engineer might've actually majored in Drama:
6. The Bachelorette
What kind of person do you want to be in a relationship with? You have to know this when going out into the dating world or you're going to get barnacled up in a lot of wasted convos with bearded dudes trying to drag you out to hidden speakeasies when you know damn well that you're allergic to hipsters in the dark. Finding out who you like can start with, "I know I never want to see that person, or anyone even remotely like that person ever again" — process of elimination, boom! You're a scientist. Now go make a list of 10 characteristics you ARE looking forward in the dating scene.
Images: (1) Tumblr; (1) Know Your Meme; (1) Somegif; (1) college times; (1) GIPHY; (1) Wifflegif