How Many Shades of Grey Are You?

The Fifty Shades of Grey movie starring Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan has been taking over everyone's brains lately, whether you're a fan or a hater. In addition to raking in over $93 million in its first few days alone, it has also given rise to all sorts of parodies and spinoffs — including Brainfall's "How Many Shades of Grey Are You?" quiz. While it's true that online quizzes aren't always incredibly accurate, it's still a fun little activity meant to tell you how kinky you are — on a scale of grey to grey, of course. I haven't seen the movie or read the book; however, I do know quite a bit about kink and BDSM culture, so I decided to give the Brainfall quiz a whirl to see how accurate the results were (or weren't). Here's how it went.

The first question asked about rope and my favorite thing to do with it. Since I'm no longer 11 years old and playing on the playground, nor planning on orchestrating some sort of highly calculated heist anytime soon, I cast the first two options away immediately. While number three could potentially be true, I've never actually been tied up with rope; it's a tricky endeavor that requires extra care and skill so as to not hurt anyone involved. I decided to go with the last option.

The second question was less expected in a BDSM quiz: How I feel about flowers. Total no-brainer, I'm a sucker for a bouquet.

The third question, which asked about masks, was another easy answer for me; while I understand the appeal and sexiness of masks, I prefer to see my partner's face during sex or any sort of foreplay. Number three was automatically out, and I don't feel strongly enough about masks to pick options two or four, so naturally, I went with number one.

Question number four was the first to strike an actual chord: "Do you like to be bossed around?" In my real life I like to be in charge, run the show, and have the final word. But I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I secretly love being told what to do and how to do it in bed (or not-so-secretly, since it's on the Internet now). It's one of my favorite things! Obviously I went with option two, although I wish there was a combination of two and four which would be even more perfect for me.

Question number five asked whether you know what BDSM stands for. Regardless as to whether you do or don't know what the acronym stands for off the top of your head, though, it's important to remember this: A lot of people are into the B, D, S and M of BDSM — but being a part of BDSM culture doesn't mean you have to be into all of them. They're all distinctive forms of interpersonal relationships.

Spanking is fun. Getting spanked is fun. But getting spanked when your partner or partners do it because you've been misbehaving is extra fun.

Even though I like being bossed around in bed, you better believe I'm going to be open about what I want, too. It's important to be comfortable enough with sexual partners to share your desires, and also important that they're comfortable enough to help you realize them or have a discussion about their comfort levels with it. Yay, communication!

Question number eight asked about safewords, which is something I think everyone should consider using in situations that involve sex, even if you don't like playing rough or engaging in BDSM!

Question nine was the first question I didn't actually know the answer to: "What are hard and soft limits?" But I was able to guess that it probably has to do with your own limits on what you will and won't do during play and what you will and won't have done to you. For example, I enjoy being lightly choked during sex sometimes, but a lot of my partners have placed hard limits on it. If everyone isn't comfortable, it isn't fun for anyone.

The last question was about blood. Getting cut and/or having blood drawn is a really common sexual fantasy for people to have, but it's never really appealed to me. The human body is totally cool, though, so I marked number two for my answer.

And the results are in! According to Brainfall's expert diagnoses, I am apparently:

Light grey! Which, perhaps in the context of this quiz makes sense. It's interesting, though, because I certainly don't consider myself to fall on the "lighter" end of BDSM. I might not have experience with rope or blood, but the quiz didn't ask about things like choking, hitting, different forms of dirty talk, bondage, forms of role-play that aren't strictly about being bossed around, and the use of toys. It's worth taking the results with a grain of salt — but it's definitely fun being confronted with questions most people don't talk about and getting introspective about sex, BDSM play, and sexuality.

Head on over to Brainfall to give the "How Many Shades of Grey Are You?" quiz a try yourself.

Images: Maya M/Brainfall