If there was ever a perfect occasion to crack open a bottle of La Mascara, swipe some of your brightest jewel tone eyeshadow on your lids, and slip on your highest high-heeled tennis kicks, it was Thursday night. Because on Thursday night, the most glamorous crew of glamour queens sashayed back onto Bravo. Translation: The Real Housewives of Melbourne has returned. In the middle of the Season 2 premiere, we humble viewers were introduced to one of the two new cast members. And that cast member is Gamble. Yes, I missed the original Melbourne Housewives with all of my heart, and yes, I smiled like the Cheshire Cat while all of the drama unfolded before and during Janet's birthday party. But right now, I want to zero in on Gamble. Because Gamble is EV. ER. Y. THING.
Gamble is an artist who lives in a house that looks like something I've tried and failed to build using the Sims 3: Island Paradise expansion pack, i.e., her house is a dream. She has a cute Pomeranian. She says things like, “My big career is my ass.”
BE STILL MY HEART.
I know I’ve only seen one episode’s worth of Gamble footage, but I feel like it’s safe to say that the essence of Gamble (whoa, that totally sounds like a perfume Victoria’s Secret would sell in a dice-shaped bottle) can be summed up by one screen grab:
SHE IS RIBBON DANCING ON THE EDGE OF AN INFINITI POOL. MAY WE ALL ASPIRE TO DANCE WITH TWO RIBBON WANDS WHILE STANDING ON THE WALL OF A GORGEOUS POOL AND NEXT TO AN EVEN MORE GORGEOUS OCEAN.
Here I thought this show's cast couldn't get any better. I've been proven wrong. Today's lesson: Sometimes, even flawless TV programs can be improved upon.
Images: Martin Philbey/Bravo; Bravo