You've heard the tired out phrase, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Well, whoever first said that obviously never had a smart phone, or else they would have some completely different standards for what hell can hath. I'm not here to scare you, fellow smart phone users. I am so dependent on my phone that I can't make it more than a few blocks without harassing Siri. That being said, I have just seen a preview of the apocalypse, and it is this guy poking a phone battery that instantly bursts into flames.
I wasn't even there and my life flashed before my eyes. Underneath that cheerful Apple logo is basically a very angry miniature bomb. I have no idea what would possess a person to poke the exposed battery of their phone in the first place, but I'm kind of glad this guy did, because we all need to be at least somewhat emotionally prepared for the day when all of our smart phones synchronize, rebel against us, and smother the earth with their flames. (It is possible I've been reading a lot of young adult dystopian fiction lately.)
Here is the first sight you will see when we eventually get swallowed up by the earth:
Yeah, that's right: It BLEW ALL THE WAY UP so hard that it looked like it basically sucked all of the light out of the room.
And just in case you thought that was a fluke, here's a quick survey of some other freaky stuff your not-so-innocent cell phone is fully capable of doing to you:
Blow up in your pocket for seemingly no reason
You may have heard when this story went viral a few weeks ago, but a man who was coming home from a funeral heard a popping noise, and before he could even reach for it, his iPhone had blown up in his pocket. He had leg burns severe enough that he had to spend ten days in the hospital. Yeepers. The same thing happened to a teenage girl with a Samsung phone last year, so these are the kinds of shenanigans that happen across brands.
Light on fire from under your pillow
Last year a 13-year-old girl was woken up by the smell of smoke after her Samsung Galaxy lit on fire under her pillow. The pillow that she SLEEPS ON. And Samsung didn't even do anything about it, claiming that she was violating a safety hazard that they'd outlined in a manual by putting it there.
Explode when you're replacing the battery
A woman in China was replacing the battery on her phone when it burst into flames on a crowded bus. The whole thing was caught on surveillance camera. I gotta hand it to her, she was way calmer about the whole thing than I would have been, managing to smother the flames in her bag before running off the bus.
I'm not saying you should ditch your phone, because I'm not sure I could handle the crippling loneliness of it not being within four feet of me at all times. But stay vigilant. They are coming for us all.
Images: Getty Images; YouTube