13 Tips To Help You Figure Out If You Should Sleep With Someone, Because Deciding To Do It Is Kind of Complicated
Most of us have experienced cases of extreme lust, times where your vagina is running the show without any real input from your brain; but when you like someone but aren't positive what you want to do about it, deciding if you want to have sex can be a bit of a complicated process. When figuring out if you want to get down to it with a new potential partner, there's a lot to consider: you have to weigh the pros and cons, realize what your expectations of the experience are, and, most importantly, know for sure that you indeed want and are ready to bang. Because, if we’re totally honest about it, sex can change everything in a relationship. Even if you’ve had sex with dozens of people and know the drill, sex can still find new ways to complicate things between you and your partner.
And if you’re looking to start a new relationship with someone, rather than just have a fling, sleeping together can be a monumental step forward in your relationship. Once you bang, you can’t un-bang. So how can you decide if the time (or the person) is right? There's no fail-safe system, unfortunately; but it helps to embrace sex as the important relationship step and life experience that it is — and not beat yourself up later for wishing you had waited longer. You have to own your decision, your desire, and the action.
So, are you ready to make your move and finally do the deed with that new person in your life? If you need a little help, here’s a checklist of 13 ways to tell if someone is worth a roll in the hay.
1. Their Kiss Blows Your Mind
So much can be said with a kiss. If just kissing someone gets you hot and bothered, then you have to figure that having sex with them might be pretty great, too.
2. You Can’t Stop Thinking About Doing It With Them
At work, during meetings, on the train home, while you're watching Netflix, when you're out with friends, when you're separating your laundry ― everywhere! When your brain is fixated on having sex with someone, it is often a sign that you're ready to make a move in real life, too.
3. You Feel Like You Can Trust Them
Trust is essential when it comes to sex. You want to trust you new partner both physically and emotionally, or getting it on with them will end up being more stressful that sexy. Do you trust them when they said they don't have any STIs? Do you trust that whatever happens between you two isn't going to be publicly displayed on Facebook? If you feel like your new partner's behavior towards you takes place in a safe zone of trust, they just might be someone worth trusting with your ladyparts.
4. You Know There’s Mutual Respect Between You Two
If someone doesn't respect your brain, your body, and your boundaries, then they're not worth it (even if that kiss blew your pants off). Respect should be paramount on all of your sexual checklists.
5. You’ve Made Your Expectations Clear
I'm not just talking about your expectations for the other person — I'm talking about your expectations for yourself. You want to have a good idea of what you want to get out of this encounter before you jump into bed. Are you in it for just the short-term? Or is this the real deal? You want to be able to know that whatever follows, you're prepared for it and know exactly where you stand in terms of your own desires.
6. You Know You’re Both On The Same Page
OK, so here is where the other person comes into play. If you're hoping to get more out of having sex than just a fun time (read: relationship, marriage, and eventually babies), and they're all about keeping it casual, then you need to discuss your expectations. It might seem awkward to do now, but it's better than the alternative — you don't want to be disappointed down the road, when you find out that you were in it to win it and they just weren't.
7. You Know You Can Handle Any Potential Awkwardness
True story: the first time you have sex with someone, it's almost awkward. You don't yet know what the other person is into, and you sure as hell can't please each other the same way that people who have been together for a long time can. You may not even have an orgasm — which is unfortunate, but also totally normal. Feeling prepared to deal with this, and any other awkward moments that might pop up, is a good sign that you're good to go.
8. You’re Ready To Show Off Your Skills
And man, oh man, do you have skills! But the thing about your skills is you don't want to show them off to just anyone; you want to make sure the person you're going to have sex with is 100 percent worthy of those skills and your attention. And when you're sure that they're worthy? It's time to go crazy on their junk.
9. You’re Totally Feeling The Chemistry Burning You Up
When you're not only thinking about doing it all the effing time, but your vagina does a little dance every time this person walks into a room, you know it's time. Vaginas don't dance for just anybody.
10. You’ve Talked About It
You don't have to have talked about it excessively. I mean, leave something to the imagination (or at least for later). But you want to have at least discussed the possibility of sex with your new person, and covered any relevant things, like limits and safe words, if that's how you and your partner roll.
11. You Have The Safe Sex Thing Covered
I feel like this should just be a given, but I'm going to say it anyway: use a damn condom. If you're sexually active, no matter your gender or sexual orientation, you should always have your favorite safe sex method on hand (no pun intended) at all times.
12. You’re Cool With Whatever The Morning Brings
As I said, sex changes everything. After your night of fun, in the light of day, things can look sooo different. You need to be aware of this, and not fear it. It's similar to the possible awkwardness that can occur mid-sex: feeling kind of weird the next morning is just part of the process of sleeping with someone for the first time. If you feel like you won't feel mortified waking up in smeared mascara next to this person, it might be time.
13. You Want To
No one can tell you what you can and can't do with your body. If you're feeling good about the idea of having sex, and you know you're in a healthy head space to do it and really enjoy it, then just go for it. Don't let society's hang-ups or the expectations of others influence your decision. You do you, you do who you want to do, and everything will be awesome.