Shock Report: Bruce Wants to Be a Woman

Welp, I only have myself to blame for this. I admitted to looking forward to the ridiculousness that was going to come out of Kris Jenner and Bruce Jenner's separation, but this, this is too much. If you thought those SNL Weekend Update jokes about the Jenner split were mean, your brain might explode when you hear that the cover of Star magazine claims Bruce Jenner wants to be a woman. It's the real reason behind their split, so says the tabloid.

This isn't the first time the mag has slandered old Brucie. In 2012, they alleged that Robert Kardashian Sr.'s third and final ex wife, Ellen Pierson, said that she heard that Bruce was a cross-dresser from Bruce's first wife, Chrystie Crownover. She said she'd come home to find the former Olympian dressed up in her bras and dresses.

Look, let's not kid ourselves here. It would be shocking to find out that Bruce Jenner will transition into a life as a woman, but it's not like the idea, in some form or another, hasn't been bandied about, correctly or incorrectly, for a while now. Even SNL jabbed at Bruce's feminine side and joked that he was actually a middle-aged woman. Between his ill-advised plastic surgery, his haircut, and his earrings, Cecily Strong and Seth Meyers were able to use humor to ridicule and criticize Bruce's feminine appearance. The jokes were funny because they were true.

But this Star cover isn't really what I had in mind when I settled in for what was sure to be some amazing rumors about the couple's split. The Kris Jenner, Ben Flajnik dating rumors were the kind of fun I was looking for, and thoroughly enjoyed, but this Bruce coverage seems just mean. And sad.

It also feels like they're picking on the little guy. Why go after everyone's favorite begrudging TV dad when there are the Kardashians to talk about? He's ostensibly losing the Kardashian empire connections that could squash such gossip, so we all have to route for the underdog here. In this case, it just so happens the underdog is a two-time Olympic gold medalist with more money than God, but everyone should be on Bruce's side. It's the American thing to do.