In the 24 hours since Ted Cruz said he would run for president, we've seen the Internet jump on trending #YouCruzYouLose hashtags and the Republican's questionable history on important issues such as abortion. But a good online roast wouldn't be complete without a few words from one late night voice. On Monday night, Jon Stewart blasted Ted Cruz on The Daily Show and showed what kind of insight will be missed from what will surely be an historic election season.
This isn't the first time Stewart has ripped into Cruz. Stewart wasn't afraid to call the Texas senator a "dirty Canadian syrup guzzler" back in May 2013. Later that year in September, the political show host called out Cruz on his 21-hour Obamacare filibuster speech with a poignant, "You're f***ing with us, right?" So of course, with Cruz making the biggest announcement of his political career, Stewart gave no mercy.
Cruz broke his own news late Sunday night by saying he would run for president via Twitter. But the Republican presidential hopeful officially declared his White House bid Monday morning during a televised speech at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. Stewart mocked the over-rehearsed Cruz, who reportedly prepped every minor detail of his big coming out, including how he would welcome applause — and how he would kiss his wife Heidi.
I may owe Mitt Romney an apology. Even the Mitt Romney-Tron 3000 didn't have to rehearse waving and kissing.
Stewart then turned his attention to the university auditorium packed with bored students, including some folks caught on TV wearing Rand Paul T-shirts. Turns out, as later reported by The Huffington Post, Liberty students were required to attend Cruz's speech.
That is somewhat awesome. But come on guys, don't show up to the senator's big day wearing the other team's jersey. If you don't want to be there, just don't be there.
As politicians often do, Cruz pitched himself as having the relatable all-American story. Cruz described how he was a teenage boy raised in Houston, who went to school "over 1,000 miles away from home in a place where he knew nobody, where he was alone and scared." Stewart shot that down with this awesome Harry Potter reference.
Dude. You went to Princeton. Like I mean, don't make it sound like you got forced onto the train to Hogwarts. Although that would have been the easiest Sorting Hat ever.
During his speech, Cruz said he would stand to protect Americans' privacy rights and shield them and their emails from federal surveillance. But Cruz, who has long presented himself as an anti-Big Brother government conservative, later encouraged students to text the word "Constitution" to the number "33733." As Stewart pointed out, as he so typically does in his mini-rants of logic, Cruz never explains why.
So let me clarify this a little bit. Students at Liberty University were required to attend a partisan political speech, where a small government conservative, who had just promised he would respect privacy rights, told them if they cared about freedom, text your information to a mysterious address that collects your cell phone number for undisclosed purposes.
Stewart is set to retire from The Daily Show later this year, and the newest Ted Cruz mockery makes me just realize how much I'll miss Stewart's perspective on the sure-to-be electric 2016 presidential election. I mean, with so many punchlines likely to be had this upcoming election season, there's just no way he's going to sit this one out. Right?
Watch Stewart's full take on Cruz's presidential bid in a clip from The Daily Show.
Images: The Daily Show/Comedy Central