Mysterious One Direction Tour Rider Could Mean A Lot Of Things, So Let's Try To Figure It Out
To those of you who have been shipping Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles, I might be inclined to say, "Stop trying to make Larry happen! It's NOT going to happen!" I might have said that to you — that is, until a newly-released One Direction tour rider begged some serious questions. That's right, a tour rider for One Direction's upcoming tour fueled the fire for Larry Shippers everywhere, as only four dressing rooms are listed on One Direction's venue request.
Of course, this could all be explained away by Zayn Malik's departure from the tour (and his potential departure from the group — though this is not even close to being confirmed, it should be noted). However, the tour rider is dated March 9, a full ten days before Zayn announced his decision to leave the tour.
The tour rider also left us with some other (equally important) questions, like whose delicate bottom requires the "Soft toilet tissue" and how torturous must their lives be if a 15 minute car ride is unbearable without refreshments? It's hard-hitting questions like these that I intend to delve into during my analysis of all the potential implications raised by the One Direction tour rider. That's right, I'm not afraid to ask the tough questions and I'd implore you to join me as I ask repeatedly, "WHAT COULD THIS MEAN?!"
Possibility #1: 4 Dressing Rooms = Larry Is Sharing
The tour ride clearly demands for four dressing rooms. If this was produced before Zayn left the tour, as the date would indicate, this means two of the boys are sharing a room (and I have a good guess as to who it would be).
Have the dreams of the Larry Stylinson shippers come true, or is this indicative of something worse?
Possibility #2: Zayn's Departure Was Premeditated
Later on in the tour rider, under the demands for the "Private Band Dressing Room," the rider states "Band — 4 males." This suggests that the tour was aware of Zayn's departure long before it was announced. If Zayn knew he was leaving that far in advance, I doubt that his departure was spurred by a sudden bout of stress.
Possibility #3: Zayn's Tour Departure Is Merely a Hiatus
Perhaps I'm reading too far into this. Maybe Zayn's decision to leave the tour really is just an attempt to get some much needed R&R. Maybe our worst fears aren't coming true, after all, and Zayn knew he was going to leave the tour but has no intention to leave the group?
Let's hope this is the case and our beloved 1D will emerge from this tour unscathed.
Other Stray Questions and Observations
The 'Smoking' Gun
The tour rider clearly demands that one of the four dressing rooms must allow smoking. Who is the smoker of the group? Or is it smokers, plural? The tour rider later demands four ash trays... so is one member (or Larry) smoking so obsessively as to need four ash trays? Or are four members chain smoking in the one room that allows smoking? Hmm... This is particularly intriguing in light of the weed smoking controversy that surrounded the group in the past.
A Myriad of Glass-Fronted Drink Fridge Questions
The tour rider makes several explicit demands for multiple glass-fronted drink fridges. Surely I'm not the only one with questions. Why does it need to have a glass front? Is this purely aesthetic? Is an opaque drink fridge such an onerous affront to their stardom? Were they inspired by Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Yolanda Foster's fridge? Where can I buy a glass-fronted drink fridge? Why can't I stop calling it a drink fridge? These, and many more refrigeration questions left unanswered by the tour rider.
They Ride in a Car That's Not Constantly Stocked with Refreshments...?
We are talking about one of the most famous bands in the world. You know these guys are traveling in style. And yet the tour rider demands coolers of refreshments for journeys over 15 minutes. You're telling me these guys aren't in a limo stocked with limitless amounts of Moët and delicious accoutrements? I'm calling BS. No way 1D is slumming it in a 15 passenger van with Liam tucked in the back next to a cooler full of Dasani, Goldfish, and Slim Jims.
We are talking about the same group who demands "ALL CATERING MUST BE ON CHINA." See Parts 1 and 4, respectively.