Did 'Hello Ladies' Go Too Far? A Ranking Of All The Cringiest Moments

We knew it was only a matter of time before things got truly dark. Sunday's episode wasn’t sad in the way that Derek, the show from Merchant’s partner Ricky Gervais can be, but it was sad enough to make you want to look away. Credit to the show for going there, but man was that painful. Jessica shoehorns her way into a dinner party for tastemakers. The owner of a modeling agency is THIS close to setting Stuart up with his fantasy woman: the model from the billboard. Jessica and Stuart bet on each other as allies, which promptly blows up in their faces. We knew Stuart would botch Jessica's chance to show up her nemesis Amelia, but Stuart’s at his most disastrous when he's ruining things for himself.

A Ranking Of The Damage:

PAINFUL

Jessica embarrasses herself with a prolonged solo tap-dance, for which Amelia had the perfect fake compliment, "that was very brave." It’s hard to watch, but clearly not damage enough to get them kicked out.

EXCRUCIATING

Stuart’s homophobic joke. It gets him and “Happy Feet” bounced from the hot tub, and the two roommates slink away draped in towels just as the model of Stuart’s dreams struts in.

WE NEED MORPHINE AND SOMETHING TO BITE DOWN ON

The most dreadful cringe of all cringes happens while Stuart is out. Kives and Wade discover Stuart’s hopes and dreams typed on his iMac. His superficial plans (threesome, date models, etc.) quickly shade into emotional revelation: experience love reciprocated, wife, kids, happiness, don’t die alone. Everyone sobers up.

Our Hopes And Dreams For The Show:

HOPES

  1. Enough. Stuart needs to notice Jessica by the next episode. (When someone orders Stuart to cop a feel of Jessica rack, he goes for it, and she bats him away.) The show needs some will-they-won’t-they have awkward sex moments already.
  2. Get Stuart his own foil, a guy with a family, preferably admired by women. Just don’t make it someone who’s going to Pygmalion/Crazy Stupid Love him into a datable human.

DREAMS

  1. Wade needs to explode in anger at his wife. A little resentment rose to the surface when Stuart bailed on movie night again. He’s ready to snap.
  2. Stuart and Wade watch Sense and Sensibility at the beginning of this episode. (In the book, Mr. Willoughby’s a player who Marriane loves, but he ditches her for the wealthy Sophia Grey.) Stuart ignores Jessica and chases women well beyond his reach like ice cream trucks. Not identical, but the parallel’s there. In our dreams, Jessica will direct a Jane Austen period web series starring Stuart in a frilly white tie.