Chuck your boyfriend’s/husband’s razors RIGHT NOW. Flush them down the toilet! Burn them at the stake! Because you my friend, should be dating a man with a beard. While generations of ladies before us might have cherished a baby-faced cherub for his supposed and implied financial security, upper-classness and cleanliness, women now know that a rugged beard is the way to both security and a moist panty. In a world where gender lines are becoming increasingly blurry (which is totes cool) and traditional masculinity can sometimes seem boorish and sexist, a beard is a way for a man to firmly say “I am MAN. Hear me roar,” while still being as sensitive as flower and accepting as Jesus himself. Besides being an excellent exfoliator when you’re making out, beards are just plain old sexy.
They can take a regular old guy and turn him into a STUD. While baby faces are great on babies, on grown men they can seem a little… well babyish. A beard is primal, manly, and dare I say it, animalistic. It says “Baby I’m going to give it to you good. And then I’m going to fix your broken chair. With my shirt off.” Meow meow.
1. A Beard Will Keep Him Wrinkle Free
Not down with the Shar-Pei look? Cool, me neither. According to a study by the University of Southern Queensland, beards actually block up to 95 percent of those pesky UV rays (little bastards). Frankly I think common sense could have told me beards are a UV blocker but I digress. So even though your man’s beard will make him look older, underneath he’ll actually retain the smooth skin of a baby’s bottom. It’s the best of both worlds!
2. Beards Are Totally Manly
Beards are like an instant makeover. Well not quite instant since it takes time to grow one, but it’s cheaper and easier than growing three inches or getting plastic surgery. In any case, a face full of hair can transform a cute regular dude into a sexy, testosterone-filled manly man. Studies show that women and men find men with beards more masculine. Beards announce his alpha-male status and virility. See, looks ARE everything! Besides a guy with a beard just looks like he can build an entire car with his bare hands. Don’t believe me? Look at this pic of Joe Manganiello with and without a beard.
3. Beard Wearers Are Committed
And no I don’t mean in the mental patient way. I mean it takes a while to grow a proper beard. Not to mention trim it, condition it, and care for it like us ladies do with our hoohas. This is a man who is in it to win it. He’s got his eyes on the prize. He’s not the type to drop everything at the first sign of difficulty like slow growth or some patchy growth. No ladies, he’s going to do what he has to do to get the job done! And what woman wouldn’t want such qualities in a gentleman?
4. Beards Are Badass
Wolverine. Jesus. Abe Lincoln. All total badasses. Remember how badly you wanted to date a brooding Luke Perry/ Jared Leto but you just couldn’t because you were too young and not famous? Well now’s your chance. Beards are the grown-up version of a bad boy. Beards allow you to be with the rebel minus the drugs, arrests, sneaking out of your parents’ house and the up-and-down emotional roller coaster.
5. Beards Are Fun to Play With (Wink, Wink)
Not only are bearded men give you a little tickle when you kiss them (plus the aforementioned exfoliation) they also are extra fun in bed. Beards provide that extra friction which can be oh-so delightful in the sack. Psychologically speaking, a bearded man just seems like he can give it to you good, taking charge and throwing you down on that bed like a champion. It’s a win-win situation!
Images: Beardbrand, Beardsandtats; Matthew_e_green, Aaronclay9, DrEpic / Instagram; Getty Images
